Zombies, Norovirus, and the Criminal Element in Nassau...Thanks, Obama!

Friends, let me ask you something.  When was the last time you willingly handed over a ton of dough with the specific intent of having the living crap scared out of you?  And, not just that, but in the process you knowingly exposed yourself to grave personal harm from disease and crime?

Hehe…well, that’s too long!  (Now, there’s an obscure Oklahoma reference – hint for those of you too young to remember…Wolf Brand Chili…YouTube it.)

For those of you who are mal de mer afflicted…that’s my fancy French way of saying seasickness…you may want to take some Dramamine and focus on the distant horizon.  There was an article on the newsok.com web site fed from a foxnews.com article (now there’s a source I never thought I’d use…seriously) about a special January cruise from Miami to Nassau and (hopefully) return with a zombie – Walking Dead theme.  Nothing says fun, fun, fun like being constantly harassed by actors portraying zombies…knowhutimean? 

Granted, I’m probably not the best person to be saying anything about the cruise industry.  I’ve only been on one commercial cruise and that was years ago.  We went from Seattle to Alaska and (thankfully) back.  It was actually pretty great though there was something seriously wrong about the entire experience.  When we returned to Seattle, I was handed a bill for my “extra” charges and discovered I paid more for Bingo play than I did for alcohol.  That’s just soooo wrong. 

Nowadays, it seems inevitable that at least one or more of those cruise ships will go out only to return after a few days at sea because EVERY FRIGGIN’ PERSON ONBOARD IS DYING FROM SOME SECRET CRUISE SHIP DISEASE.  Whew, I feel better now that I got that out of my system.

Actually, it’s not so much of a secret...it’s called norovirus.  And it is miserable.  I had it when I lived in Anacortes, WA…apparently sea port towns are susceptible too…probably from FRIGGIN DISEASED CRUISE SHIP PASSENGERS COMING BACK FROM THEIR PLEASURE CRUISES AND INFECTING THE REST OF US…(okay, serenity now, serenity now…ommmmmm).  I’ll spare you the details, but trust me when I say it ain’t fun.  I just look at commercial cruise ships as floating septic systems, which now that I think about it is probably truer than I think.

But, I digress…

So, according to both articles, the theme cruise will include zombies walking (well, staggering) all over the ship…makes a case for hiding in your cabin with the door locked, me thinks.  Bet they’ll be dropping body parts in your soup at dinner.  The upside (I guess) is that there will be at least a few of the actors from “Walking Dead” on the cruise.  I’d talk about the actors, but honestly I don’t care.  I don’t even watch the show. 

I just don’t get the whole zombie apocalypse thing to be honest.  I know it’s big and lot of people are into it…mostly thanks to the show “Walking Dead”, but so what?  I’m a world-class insomniac who occasionally watches that knife show at runs on basic cable at 3AM.  They have a whole line of zombie apocalypse survival knives that they sell so you too will be prepared when the zombie apocalypse comes.  They even offer zombie hunting permits (no limits, no season…kind of like jackrabbits at the compound).  And, here’s the thing…they actually sell the crap.  I mean, they wouldn’t sell the stuff if there wasn’t a market for it…right?

The only zombies I’ve ever seen was when I attended a legislative session in Oklahoma City…that was really more like the dance of the living dead.

Also, a quick check of the State Department site for warnings to travelers will tell you that Nassau, Bahamas is pretty dangerous.  Tourists are subject to armed robberies, sexual assaults, etc., etc. 

So, I guess this really is a cruise for people who want the living crap scared out of them.  If the constant stalking by zombies isn’t enough…there’s the threat of norovirus…and the criminal threat when you land in Nassau. 

Robin’s best advice on this one…stay the hell in Oklahoma.  Here, at least the only things we have to worry about is the Goatman, the Bigfoot (more on this soon), the Ozark Howler, the Oklahoma Octopus, and the Oklahoma State Legislature.  Don’t you feel better?  Plus think of the $$$$ you’ll save on Dramamine and Bingo!

Ahoy!