Woodworking fails...ghost hunting shows...brother, can you spare a crane?

Happy Monday everyone! Hopefully, you’re all properly rested following the shift to Daylight Savings Time. I personally seem to have come through it unscathed, though mainstream media is only too happy to inform me that is not the case. According to them, I’m taking minutes off my life every year with the big shift. Wow…is that right? Well, I guess they would know better than I how I feel.

I made an attempt (half-hearted though it was) to find out where the bill to eliminate DST in Oklahoma by that lunatic legislator was in the chain of custody of lunatic bills, but can’t find it. Bet it didn’t make it out of committee. Finally, some legislation I can get behind and the rat bastards killed it in committee.

This past weekend at The Compound was an intense one. Up in the main house, our ghost hunting production team was watching episode after episode after episode of ghost hunting and paranormal shows on television.

We’re still hung up on what the hook should be. Our Hollywood mentor Chick Farris keeps checking in and offering advice. Okay, actually his advice amounts to yelling over the phone that we need to get it together or we’ll “never work in this town again!” (Cosmic City?)

I tried to stay above the fray. I spent the better part of the weekend out in the shop working on a major construction project that started off simple enough. A roll-around work cart that I could set my Weber Kettle Grill into. I love the Weber Kettle. I tell people I can do anything on that grill that someone with a 400 pound steel smoker named Bertha can do.

The great disadvantage to the kettle grill is that there is no work surface. All you get are three spindly legs with an axle and a couple of plastic wheels to roll it around. No work space.

Oh sure, Weber sells a version of their kettle grill that is dropped into a nice roll-around cart made from special lightweight, yet incredibly durable resin with work space to one side and a cup holder for your refreshing adult beverage for several hundred dollars more.

So, I designed my own, constructed of wood. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? I very meticulously drew out my design on graph paper. Made everything within a tolerance of +/- .0002 inches. I even figured out how much Nomex tape I would have to use along the edge of the hole in which the grill rests to keep it from setting my cart afire in the middle of cooking. I’m telling you, I thought of everything.

(cough) And then, construction began.

Initially, I figured to use the axle and wheels from the original Weber grill. Once the basic frame was framed out (see what I did there?) I installed the axle and wheels from the original grill set up. The axle collapsed under the weight of the basic frame with the wheels going from a perfect vertical to 45 degree angle in. Supposedly solid plastic wheels are “no flat” wheels? These completely fell apart…the plastic hubs couldn’t take the weight.

No problem. I went back to ACE (third time that day) and got some heavy duty wheels with steel hubs and no-flat plastic tires that the dude at ACE assured me were rated at 600 lbs. For axles, I’m using 5/8” hardened steel bolts.

That’s when it hit me. My simple idea of creating something substantive enough to hold up the grill and give me a little work space has become the size of a Rose Bowl Parade float. And here’s the kicker…I do most of my grilling on an area of concrete between the main house and the detached garage/shop. The Rose Bowl Parade float is too wide to fit through the gate leading to that area.

F*^k oh dear! Now what do I do? If you happen to be in the area of The Compound today and you happen to be driving around in one of those portable cranes, please stop. We’ll crane it into the enclosed BBQ area. Otherwise, I guess I’ll have to take out a section of fence to roll it back there, but I’ll need help rolling it too.

If you happen to be in the area of The Compound today and you’re on a tractor, please stop and we’ll hook up the cart and you can pull it back there…through the hole created by my taking out a section of fence to accommodate this behemoth.

Please help!

That is all!

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