Been a rough couple of days here at the compound with the winds and the nearby storms. As something of an amateur meteorologist, it appears to me that this weekend is shaping up to be a busy one weather-wise. Oh sure, I could have been a professional weather-guesser, but frankly the math was too hard.
While storms here in Oklahoma can be potentially life threatening or cause incredible damage to property, I will confess that I kind of enjoy watching the marathon antics of weather people here in Oklahoma when severe weather threatens. It just seems that the various weather personalities in this state ratchet up the tone and hyperbole in order to pull in more viewers and keep the ones they have. Growing up, my understanding of meteorology was watching broadcasts with “Weather Girl” Lola Hall (if you remember her, you’re old…like me) who stood in front of a stationary map that was on some kind of easel and waved her hands to demonstrate how an approaching cold front might trigger thunderstorms. It turns out, Lola’s degree was in English, rather than meteorology, which gives me hope for getting up in front of a camera and raising viewer ratings by scaring the living bejeezus out of my television audience. The only problem is, I am possessed of a cynical, snarky, and perverse sense of humor which would translate into me lasting about 15 seconds on live television. It would probably go something like this: Altogether too serious news reader: “…when Governor Fallin is expected to sign a bill into law that would prevent the inadvertent tattooing of human genitalia by deranged atavistic tattoo artists here in Oklahoma. Unofficially dubbed as the “No Scrawls on My Balls” law, the measure, authored by freshman State Senator Homer Clydeswell (R-Fargo), imposes severe penalties for errant body parts inking. Over to you Pam.” Altogether’s seemingly professional (and slightly tipsy) news reading partner: “Well, that’s certainly a remarkable piece of legislation…and they wonder why I drink. But enough stinking news, let’s turn to our own Wonderful Weather Wizard Robin Hohweiler who is standing by in our own Severe Weather Command, Control and Operations Center. Robin, it’s a beautiful day in Oklahoma. How long will it continue? Camera shot opens on me standing in front of a screen divided into four “live” images…one of a building completely engulfed in flames; another of the biggest tornado ever seen; another of a hurricane ravaging a beach; and, finally, yet another of a heavy blizzard. I am looking into the camera wide-eyed with my hands pressed against my head: “Beautiful day in Oklahoma? Is that what you said? Have you looked outside? Have you been drinking again? Can’t you see what’s going on behind me? The end is near! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE, I tell you!” Shot goes to split-screen with me on one side and the tipsy news reader on the other: “Umm, Robin…I don’t think.” Back to me: “Think? Think? There’s nothing to think about! Don’t bother me now, I’m headed for the bunker! Run! Run!” I exit camera-left screaming like a 12-year-old girl. That would end my “career” in professional broadcasting though it might be fun to watch the video segment go viral on YouTube, thus establishing my path to immortality. But, I digress… Okay, I’m a bit confused. There was an article on page 5 of this morning’s edition of the Woodward News about a ruling issued by the 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals that says the NSA’s wholesale collection of phone records on every person in the U.S. by the government is illegal because the action was never approved by Congress. At first, I was really struck by the comment. I thought it was kind of funny that anyone depended on anything needing approval by the buffoons in Congress. On the other hand, I find it highly offensive and very disturbing that the USG is performing unwarranted and unprecedented spying on its own citizens, no matter how much the current administration attempts to justify the need. This just seems so, so, so…Soviet. Now here’s the confusing part of all of this for me. It seems that the majority of Democrats and Republicans favor a bill that would end the bulk collection program in favor of rules that would allow a more targeted surveillance. That seems to make sense, right? And, it has bi-partisan support. What could go wrong? Well…the Republican leadership (McConnell and Burr) are in favor of keeping the program as it currently stands…changing nothing. Both have been making impassioned speeches on the floor urging their fellow lawmakers to keep the program in place. Really? I thought the Republicans were supposed to be about steering clear of Big Brother, Big Government? AND, taken on the surface, it would seem the Republican leadership is in bed with the Democratic administration that established the program in the first place! And you wonder why I’m confused?! It just seems to me that with the amount of dough the U.S. spends on intelligence gathering (nearly $72 BILLION annually) they could come up with something better than spying on its own citizens. Oh, I know people everywhere are probably saying, “Gee, Robin, if you’ve done nothing wrong, you have nothing to fear.” Uh huh. I’ll bet Comrade Stalin said the same thing to the people he was about to purge. Just sayin’. Comments are closed.
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