Who's Up for Badger Wrestling?

I have always been a big promoter of this state.  During all of those 39 years that I lived somewhere else for the Navy or post-Navy stuff, I would tell anyone who stopped long enough to listen what it is that makes this great state so special. 

I even found Northwest Oklahomans in some of the weirdest spots.  There was one guy from the Quinlan area I met years ago while he was stationed at a remote desert outpost in Eastern Turkey near the Iraq border.  I was out there toting a large parachute bag full of weapons (don’t ask) and certainly not expecting to find someone from “home.”  I couldn’t tell you his name now (those years run together), but he recognized my last name and asked if I had kin in Oklahoma.  But, I digress…

I guess where I’m headed with this is that I’m always happy to see someone promoting something that brings some attention from outside the area.  A great example is the upcoming Twister Alley Film Festival in Woodward later this month.  I was happy to see that trend continuing when I looked at the front page of Woodward News this morning and saw that the Third Annual Bat Wing Ding event at Alabaster Caverns is also taking place this month, April 10-11.  I admit cringing at the photo of those danged bats clinging to the overhead of their cave. 

I suppose this would be a great event for you to dress up as Batman and walk around introducing yourself with, “I’m Batman,” and then telling people you’re there surveying for a new location for the Bat Cave. 

Also, if that isn’t enough things-that-go-bump-in-the-night for you, there’s the annual Rattlesnake Hunt over in Waynoka that same weekend!  Judas priest…why would you purposely go looking for rattlesnakes?!  Not me! 

There are three things in life that really creep me out:  1) bats; 2) snakes; and, 3) rats.  People in this area will be celebrating two out of three of those a week from this Friday!  This is yet another reason why I’m not in the pest control business.  I can assure everyone that I’ll be safely ensconced on the porch at the compound, lest some pervert try to drag me out for rattlesnake BBQ (hint: it tastes like #!^&ing snake - yeesh). 

And for those of you loyal followers of CCB (all none of you so far) who are reading this and thinking, “Now, why doesn’t Robin just face up to his fears?” I would say, “Thhpppppt!” 

If you read the homepage of this site, you know that I’ve been the target of two bombings and even had a German terrorist group hunting me.  In all of those years of traveling around the world on “special” aircraft, I can recall at least three times that there was a better than 60% chance that we’d punch into the ground for one reason or another.  Nothing…I say, nothing…compares to the terror (for me) of being in close proximity to (sing along at home):  bats; snakes; and/or, rats. 

So with Freedom and Waynoka covering their versions of springtime creep-fests, I was contemplating some things we could do here in Woodward County that same weekend to ensure our share of the tourist buckage.  Here are some suggestions (Woodward Convention and Visitors Bureau feel free to use any of these as you see fit):

1)   Rabid skunk petting corral

2)   Feeding chunks from cantaloupe held between your teeth to a red-eyed box turtle

3)   Championship badger wrestling

4)   Feral hog roping and hog-tying

5)   Collecting ticks from the ears of live jackrabbits

Who’s in?  Great fun for the whole family (I guess).  You could team it up with dances every evening (nothing like dancing at night following a daytime filled with wrestling badgers.  Bring in a well-known band like Wiley Piemore & His Prairie Dawgs (they’ve done gigs within 300 miles of Austin AND Nashville) and you can call it an event. 

So, all y’all enjoy your badger wrestling and rabid skunk petting.  I’ll be on the porch at the compound sipping a glass of Gentleman Jack (gratuitous endorsement) and wondering how my life went so wrong. 

Disclaimer – CCB’s disbarred and disgraced attorney spokesperson insisted we add the following:  “No ticks, jackrabbits, feral hogs, badgers, red-eyed snapping turtles, or rabid skunks were harmed in producing this blog post.  CCB does not personally recommend anyone participating in the aforementioned activities (save for sipping Gentleman Jack).  If you are dumb enough to take seriously anything that our moronic and reckless founder says, you deserve the consequences.”