When the Sun Shines Bright, the Prisoners Take Flight!

Happy, happy Monday! Some weekend we had, eh? What with Stongman boxing, Hallelujah Choruses, and the Farmers Market Christmas Bizarre (sic).
 
And, then there was the weather. Gorgeous on Sunday. Here at the compound we made it into the low-60’s. Spring fever and swarms of wasps were everywhere.
 
As is nearly always the case anytime we get a little warm weather when we’re not supposed to, the golfers hit the links and the prisoners hit the road…wait, what?
 
Seems the warm temps yesterday enticed one of the membership of the William S. Key Country Club to drop his golf clubs and make haste for the horizon.
 
According to reports he was picked up 30 minutes later and made it back to the Country Club for high tea and crumpets.
 
You know, given the frequency with which the Club membership attempts to walk off the 19th green in search of better accommodations, perhaps there’s a reality show in there somewhere.
 
I mean, the Department of Corrections never offers a reward for the capture and/or return of alleged walk-offs. So there’s no $$$ in it for entrepreneurial types. But, maybe a person could stage a camera crew just off the grounds of the Country Club. Then when one of the membership gets the itch to head over to the corner market to get a pack of cigs or something, the crew is hot on the trail.
 
I could call the show, “Walk Off”…it would probably give little Ft. Supply an economic boost since people will travel there just to see a prison without locks, gates, and guns. Could be billed as the Eighth Wonder of the World. Obama would visit and declare it a model for future penal servitudety.
 
Or, maybe…and this is a big maybe…the state could pay the membership to not escape or walk-off. Yeah, what a great idea…paying criminals (oops, country club members) not to misbehave!
 
I’ll be sure to include that in my next phone call with Her Royal Highness Mary of Fallin. HRH does so enjoy our chats.
 
Eh, well, fortunately our wayward member was found and returned to the Club. I’m sure the Woodward County Sheriff’s Office was able to coordinate with those DOC guys at “The Key” and effect a capture.
 
Equally, fortunate is that the chase (such that it was) didn’t come toward Woodward, where the police can’t talk to, let alone coordinate with anyone.
 
Of what do I speak?
 
It seems that the Woodward Police Department recently came into several sacks of cash and decided to buy a brand new communications system that scrambles communications between officers and dispatchers in the communications center. That way, only those in the loop can hear what’s going on. This unfortunately excludes other first responders such as the Woodward County Sheriff’s Office.
 
Now then, let’s imagine that you’re the Police Chief of Cosmic City. You have a brand new communications suite that you admire every day. But wait, what’s that? The Sheriff’s Office is complaining that they can’t communicate with elements of Woodward PD? Gazooks! Egad! Doh!
 
According to Chief Ellis, the decision to scramble radio communications was for the protection of his officers. Protecting them from what? The Sheriff’s Office?
 
Okay, okay, I get it. You don’t want the bad guys knowing exactly what the police are doing.  THAT MAKES SENSE. What doesn’t make sense (in my humble lay-ass opinion) is that the system is closed to other first responders.
 
Now then, those of you playing along at home are probably asking, who cares? Well, you probably should.
 
What happens when/if some huge crisis occurs…oh, I don’t know, say a mile-wide F5 tornado strikes in the middle of the night (as F5 tornadoes are wont to do)…or maybe a tanker railcar filled with toxic materials derails and overturns downtown…or the molecular bonds of that ancient f$#ing eyesore of a decrepit grain elevator complex at 11th and Maple finally gives up the bonds and collapses, sending a plume of asbestos-laden concrete dust into the air (hopefully, Mazzio’s will cover their pizza bar). Or, even worse still, any of the three previous scenarios result in the supply of coffee trucked to this area dropping to zero (now THAT’s an emergency).
 
All are nightmare scenarios that would likely require a multi-agency, coordinated response.
 
What then will city and country law enforcement do? Rely on cell phones? Nope…CNN, MSNBC, BBC America, al Jazeera, Fox News, and K101 will have the cell towers tied up for hours trying to find someone, anyone in town who will comment on air.
 
<phone ringing in the middle of the night> “Yeah, what? Who is this?”
 
“Yes, hello, sir. Sorry to trouble you. I am calling from al Jazeera TV, sir. Would you like to comment on the disaster unfolding a mere four blocks from your location?”
 
“There’s no one named Al here.” <hangs up>
 
Then, there’s the people who will be burning up their data plan in an attempt to get amazon.com to send some of their delivery drones carrying boxes of coffee to the area.
 
I think (hope) everyone involved realizes this should be fixed. And, I’m certain it will be (eventually).
 
In fairness, an (very) interim solution has been reached between city and country law enforcement wherein Woodward police officials have agreed to turn off the scrambling in the event of a large-scale emergency.
 
All is (pretty much) well, citizens. Go about your business.