 Hey hey, it’s Thursday. Another week whizzing past. Probably not a good thing since you have sooo much to do to get ready for another stinking family holiday. Hopefully it won’t turn out like last year when the cops showed up to find your weird Uncle Carl rolling around on the front lawn as he attempted to strangle his son-in-law James (don’t call him Jim or Jimmy or Jimbo) after Carl accused James of hogging the Mexican brandy (good stuff). Oh sure, James and your cousin, Buttercup (can’t make up that name), won’t be there this year, but don’t expect an easier time of things. Weird Uncle Carl is only too happy to discuss his sundry medical conditions which include open sores (which he’s only too happy to show everyone) on his legs from a case of MRSA he swears he contracted in the local ER during a visit to determine that he had NOT had yet another in a long series of “heart attacks” over the years. He’s considering legal action, you know. Ahhh, family. Gotta love ‘em, am I right? Me…I’m here waiting to hear something from Cousin Fred and Friend Lamont now that I believe they’re making their way to Florida to spend the holidays stalking the Hairdressing Hydrologist Gigi outside of Fearless Leader’s fabulous resort. Oh, by the way, I’ve decided to host a Facebook Live event the day after Christmas. It’ll be a Fruitcake Telethon. It finally occurred to me that it’s probably the day after Christmas that people look at all those tins of molecularly-dense confection they received from relatives and business associates and think, “Now what the hell am I going to do with so much g***amn fruitcake?” That thought coincides with the sudden realization that you may have picked the wrong time to try out the El Gordo Supremo Diet that everyone is talking about. Well, we at CCB have the answer! It’s the first annual Fruitcake Telethon broadcast live from The Compound! You don’t even have to think about driving said Heaven-sent fruitcake all the way out into the country. Hell, we’ll come pick it up from your house. More on that to follow. By the way, if you have a sliver of talent and have interest in appearing on our Facebook Live broadcast, let me know. Must give the people something for their donations of fruitcake you know. Friends, as you long-time, dedicated followers (we’re up to six now) of this stupid blog know, we here at CCB have long held a special place in our hearts for The Bigfoot. We’re constantly on the lookout for news items and the occasional anecdotal information about Bigfoot sightings and encounters. That’s why a small article that went through the overnight newsfeed caught our eye. Unlike confirmed sightings and encounters with The Bigfoot, this piece was almost too bizarre to believe, but then again, we’re pretty gullible. It seems some fellow up in Montana was out in the woods setting up targets for shooting practice when he noticed (keen observer that he is) a bullet impact a few feet to his left immediately followed by another that whizzed past him on the right. Clever fellow that he is, he moved into deeper cover and then began working his way around to the area whence he believed the shots had come. There he confronted a man next to a black Ford F-150 pickup holding a hunting rifle. The shooter claimed to have thought his target was Bigfoot. He actually made the statement, “I don’t target practice — but if I see something that looks like Bigfoot, I just shoot at it.” Hmmm. Me thinks that if you mistook another human for Bigfoot and/or missed with two shots from a hunting rifle, you need: 1) corrective lenses and/or; 2) target practice. Our shootee just let it go at that (huh?). Someone else informed the police about the encounter and they sought out said shootee. He refused to give police a description of the guy and said he didn’t the tag number of the Ford pickup. Turns out there was woman who also claimed to have been shot at by someone in a black Ford F-150, though she didn’t say anything about Bigfoot. What we've learned here today:
Let’s be careful out there! That is all! Comments are closed.
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