![]() I don’t believe it. We’ve all made it to Friday, yea us! It was an action-packed week here at The Compound. The sophomoric antics of the morons on N. Lincoln Blvd., hundreds of spiritualists gathered on the center lawn chanting all night, Cousin Fred finding the bottom of every Schnapps bottle on the place, the proper christening of the Cabinet Saloon replication, aka, the Cab. Oh, and let us not forget The Wife holed up in a deluxe “resort” motel in Shattuck (her room is right next to the ice machine outside, need lots of ice to help the Old Crow go down). Eh, just another week around here, I suppose. And, people wonder why I have high blood pressure…sheesh. So let’s see. We’ll start with yesterday. I really thought I was going to be rid of the spiritualists, at least for a time. Yesterday morning the leaders of the various sects (tribes?) met in supreme council around the fire pit up near the main house. Of course, we didn’t light off the fire pit for fear of burning the place down (it’s very dry here), but they didn’t seem to mind. All were too busy picking the sandburs out of their velveteen robes (the center lawn is all buffalo grass and filled with sandburs). At the heart of the meeting was that it was getting too darned cold for tent living among sandburs. They were moving toward a vote to adjourn until October 8th when there is another anniversary of the shooting at the Cabinet Saloon in which Temple Houston and Jack Love shot it out with the Jennings Bros. But then one of the spiritualists streamed a broadcast by Tornado Payne-in-my-ass, who giddily announced he’s breaking out his Speedo swimsuit and shaving his back in anticipation of near 90 degree weather this weekend. Of course, he glossed over the part about horrific winds accompanying the high temps, eh details, details. Tornado’s enthusiasm was infectious apparently because even Amanda Taylor jumped into the act and said she would join him (wonder if she shaves her back too). Tornado looked at her and muttered “please don’t” before moving on to the rest of his forecast. Based on that forecast, the spiritualists have decided to stick it out for a bit longer and continue the all-night chanting (they’re a hardy bunch), which is taking a toll on Cousin Fred who sleeps in the upstairs portion of The Cab. I’m always quick to remind him that he’s the one who invited the spiritualists onto the grounds of The Compound in the first place at which point he generally takes another swig of Schnapps and shrugs his shoulders. In the meantime, The Daughter has arrived at The Compound on her way back to Ol’ Virginny from Utah (whose state motto translated from the Latin is “Only Oklahoma has Weirder Booze Laws”…or words to that effect. She asked to stay here for a few days until the weather on the East Coast improves a bit. I had her park her truck at the top of the U-shaped drive in front of the house as a buffer to the chanting. It didn’t do much good really, but at least I don’t see a yard full of freaks when I look out the front window. Instead, I’m looking at a Mack truck with “Over the Road with Veronica” painted on the side. And, while we’re on the subject…okay, this is worst segue ever, but this has to end at some point. Recall the whole fiasco about how the state legislature, hillbillies that they are, have essentially screwed us by refusing to play ball with the Feds over the Real ID thing? Basically, after a certain date when you’re down in Florida visiting your weird Uncle Carl, who likes to chew on his toenails at the table after every meal, you may find yourself being turned away at the TSA checkpoint because you don’t have a legitimate government-issued form of ID. Maybe you could offer pedicures to Uncle Carl in exchange for room and board (he doesn’t chew them while he’s cooking). Regardless, you’re screwed thanks to the Oklahoma State Legislature. Soon thereafter the law down in Florida will declare you a refugee and The Trump’s thugs will have you deported to Syria…at your expense. So one of the dummies residing at N. Lincoln Blvd., genius that he is, has come up with a bill that only serves to distract those angry Oklahomans who are most likely to be stuck with weird Uncle Carl. State officials admit that even if they get off their lazy asses and do something to first overturn the past legislation that said we would not play and then pass Real ID legislation for Oklahoma, there is no way to get everything in place in time to comply with FEDERAL LAW. Let me explain something to you idiots in OKC. I don’t care how independent or secessionist you think you are…Federal law trumps (hahahaha) state law. See how this works? You obviously missed that week of 8th grade civics in school when you agreed to be a House page. But, I digress… So the latest bill concerning Real ID doesn’t solve a damned thing. This week’s prince of dummies is arguing a bill that would allow Oklahomans to choose whether to comply with Real ID or not. In other words, I go to the Tag Office which sends me to the other Driver’s License place which then sends me back to the Tag Office (WE GOTTA FIX THAT) for the photo and subsequent actual DL. The nice lady at the Tag Office asks me, “Mr. Robin would you like to comply with Federal law and be able to board an airplane and fly somewhere? Or, not?” In true Oklahoman fashion, I turn my head 45 degrees to the left, staring off into space and announce that, “No, in opposition to the Muslim socialist Obama, I will not accept your fly-away ID. Why would I want to leave Oklahoma?” And, yes, I know my statement completely ignores the fact that Obama is no longer president, that he is/was neither Muslim nor socialist, and that the Real ID thing actually started during King George II’s rule. But, I’m a proud Oklahoman and don’t need to ride no stinking airplanes. So there! Okay, I digress again. Here’s the deal stupid legislator. You may look like a deal maker to your constituents back home. “That, Buck, he sure showed them a thang or two in the City.” and “He’s a good boy, bless his squirrel huntin’ heart.” In the end, dumbass, it’s an all or nothing proposition. No choices, you’re in or you’re out. This is yet another example of how the legislative body of this state WASTES it’s time…every single session. Enough! That is all! Comments are closed.
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