We solve FOX News' recruiting problems...Cousin Fred is missing...the Brother-in-Law feeds the hungry masses...and Robin gets rammed in the a**...must be Monday.

Good morning everybody. It’s Monday, the start of another stinking work week filled with hopes for a quiet, quick week, but ending in crushed dreams and general mayhem. Thus speaketh the Robin, prognosticator of gloom!

Hey! The signs are all there, people…read ‘em and weep! After my mostly horrific Friday morning last week, I got rear ended Friday afternoon by a woman as I was trying to escape the Walmart parking lot in Cosmic City. Initially, I didn’t think there was much damage, but over the weekend I got a closer look. It’s pretty significant.

I guess last Friday was just not my day. And, isn’t that the way it always goes? You’re looking off to the future, figuring your worst times are behind you. All you want to do is get home, get inside to commence drinking to excess and then WHAM someone rams you in the ass!

If today’s post sounds like the downward spiral of a millionaire TV evangelist caught using offering money to purchase purloined holy water on the black market to make iced tea while shacking up with his assistant bookkeeper at a local no-tell motel…okay, maybe it’s not that bad. Or is it?

Cousin Fred is missing. Haven’t heard a peep from him since he left here late last week on the way to OKC to the location of the top secret location of the Trump’s latest fundraiser. As far as we know that event was kept a top secret (unless Linda Cavanaugh was wrong – the divine Ms. L.C. wouldn’t do that to us). Not another peep about it anywhere.

I kept a close eye on the media all weekend, looking for reports of someone in a half-body cast being shot down by Secret Service, other law enforcement, or the random thugs who seem to roam the streets of Oklahoma City at night nowadays.
Nothing, nada, zilch…no can find.

I kind of thought maybe he would give up the hunt by Saturday afternoon and head back to The Compound, but that wasn’t the case.

He missed a great event on Saturday night honoring the Brother-in-Law’s father who had a landmark birthday. I figured Cousin Fred would never miss an opportunity to spend time around the Brother-in-Law trying to convince him of the merits of some new scheme without the Sister getting wind that something was going on.

But then, maybe it’s just as well that Cousin Fred wasn’t there. The Brother-in-Law was as busy as I think I’ve ever seen one human being, cooking burgers for 100+ guests. I thought I’d grilled/BBQed for a lot of people in the past, but never that many.

Still, it was one of the better private events that I’ve attended since I’ve been here. At the top of the list was that they were offering refreshing adult beverages. Oh, and they had a band…a real band…and they were good! Go figure!?

So, Saturday night was a good, though altogether short, respite for me from worrying about what Cousin Fred may have gotten himself into. Eh, well, it’s all just another brick in the wall of this seemingly endless cycle of weirdness and…well…uber-weirdness that’s going on.

Take, for instance, two separate events in the news that caught my eye over the weekend as I was searching for word of Cousin Fred being taken down in a hail of gunfire and splintered plaster.

First up, we have an eight-year-old child who was served with a restraining order at his elementary school that essentially makes him a prisoner in his own home. He is prohibited from having contact with the children of a family who live on his block. Because those same children go to the same school, he is now banished from school as well.

The restraining order was taken out by a parent of the children who claims the 8-year-old threatened his kids.

Really? If my parents had taken out restraining orders against every kid that ever threatened me, I would have had the entire school to myself.

Seriously, does the kid go around packing heat or something? He’s 8 years old! What the hell is going on here? Maybe it’s the times we’re living in. I mean, there have been many instances over the past several years wherein first graders went to school with loaded weapons and/or drugs in their backpacks.

And, what do I know? The article had scant details frankly. Maybe there was a valid threat that caused the parent enough concern to pursue legal recourse.

Still, I think the gene pool has become an irretrievably polluted cesspool. Humanity appears to be devolving into something unrecognizable…or maybe it’s just the new norm.

But wait, there’s more.

So, with a dateline of Shawnee, Kansas (it’s cheaper in Kansas, you know), there was a woman in the parking lot of a Walmart (the apparent center of the Universe for weirdness) who was putting her baby in its seat in preparation to leave, when she was assaulted and conked over the head. A passerby saw what happened and promptly tried to intervene. For his trouble, he was fatally shot by one of the bad guys. This brought a second, armed good guy who fatally shot the bad guy who shot the dude who tried to intervene. With me, so far? Oh, the other bad guy got away.  

Okay, now you’re probably sitting there thinking, yeah so what, Robin? Sounds like a typical Friday night in (fill in your city here)!

Okay, so the so-what is that a woman who had been shopping inside and sees all of this happening directly in front of her parked car, begins streaming over Facebook Live a running commentary of the events unfolding and the its aftermath.

And, rather than looking concerned for the lives lost or the little infant, she’s all toothy smiles as she giddily runs down her shopping list (some light bulbs and a tire for her son’s bike).

I’m telling you, FOX News should hire this woman to replace any of the vapid queens-of-subjective-news that are running out the door there.

Eh, well, I guess she got her 15 minutes that Andy Warhol promised all of us. Is what she did particularly troublesome? Probably not to most. For some reason, I found it really disturbing, but when you consider my previous statement about the polluted state of the human gene pool, I suppose it’s another layer of evidence.

If you see a man in a half-body cast wearing purple nylon shorts with no underwear and contrasting lime green crocs, please send him back to The Compound. And, PLEASE don’t broadcast the image on Facebook Live.

Thank you.

---