 Be happy people, it’s hump day! It’s a downhill slide to the weekend when you can once again cut loose ties of morality that generally keep you in check throughout the work week. Or, maybe that’s just me…
So yesterday, I was perusing my newsfeed and came upon an article in Business Insider that offered a quick rundown of those candidates for president (2020) who have already announced. We here at CCB thought it might be fun to run those down this morning. Yes, I know the 2020 election is still more than a year away, but hell some of these are already going through the motions…kissing babies in Iowa, making promises they can’t possibly keep in Poughkeepsie, and begging for $$$ on YouTube. It’s going to be long 21 months… First the Republicans: Trump. Yep that’s it. So far, no other Repubs have shown the cojones to declare against Fearless Leader. This is most likely out of fear of an unshaven Don Jr. (aka, Baby Don) stalking them with an elephant gun in between his changing out Rabid Right girlfriends. Or, maybe they fear Fearless Leader’s Twitter wrath…nah…who fears a passive aggressive onslaught? Apparently, most GOP potential candidates, that’s who! Seriously, Fearless Leader announced he was running for reelection within days of taking office the first time. Orange Hostess Cupcake-looking fool! Next come the Dems: Warren. Hell’s bells, she’s already out the gate and running hard. She’s been spotted in Iowa and New Hampshire, lurking about diner’s in both locations and springing herself on unsuspecting people trying to eat some breakfast. If you live in either state, you can tell you’ve been “Lizzed” because she always grabs a triangle of overcooked, over-buttered toast from your plate and munches it while she talks about the loathsome creature Trump and tries to convince you she’s likable (like it’s lunchtime in high school and she wants to sit at the cool kids’ table). “You like me, right? I’m likable, don’t you think? Sorry I’m spitting toast crumbs on you while I talk. Want to see my DNA analysis? Embrace my DNA!” Seems to me that the one thing she has going against her is the Oklahoma Curse. Seriously, no person with ties to Oklahoma who has declared for president has ever gotten very far. Remember Fred Harris and John Newbold “Happy” Camp? No? My point is made. Castro. He is the former HUD secretary under Obama. Was also the mayor of San Antonio. The big advantage he has is that he has an identical twin brother, so he’ll be able to cover two campaign stops at the same time. Take that, Fearless Leader! Delaney. Who? John Delaney is a former representative from Maryland. In his announcement that he was running he stated, "The current administration is making us less prosperous and less secure. I'm running because I have an original approach to governing and an economic policy that can put us on a different course." Of course, he doesn’t offer any insights into his “approach” but I’m sure it’s good (cue eye roll). The thing Delaney has going for him is he’s bald and doesn’t try to cover it with a dead cat (like someone else we know). Ojeda. Again, who? Richard Ojeda is a state senator from West Virginia. He ran for a seat as U.S. representative in 2018 and lost. He announced he was running for president the next day (hoping for job security, I guess). This guy has a disturbing haircut…it’s an extreme high-and-tight Marine sort of look…think Travis Bickle (sigh, look it up). Just sayin’. Yang. (pictured above) I know, I know, who? He lists being an American entrepreneur and founder of Venture for America to his credits. That’s nice. His REAL claim to fame is that he has a plan for paying every American $1,000 per month for, well, being an American. We here at CCB did the math. That works out to an annual cost of $3.9 trillion. Of course, he’s a bit light on the details of how he’ll pay for that, but…maybe this is the guy I can finally sell my plan for paying criminals not to misbehave? Gabbard. Tulsi Gabbard is a U.S. representative from Hawaii. She is something of a rising star in the Democratic party and is viewed as a centrist progressive, which of course pisses off the members of the Ludicrous Left. She’ll fail. Harris. No relation to Fred Harris (see above), Kamala Harris is a U.S. senator from California. She comes across as being very smart and very well spoken, which makes her too smart to be president. She is also constantly being compared to Obama. Fearless Leader will have a field day with her. Missing from the field of candidates in the Business Insider piece was Kirsten Gillibrand (U.S. senator from NY). She perhaps declared too late to make the BI cut. Also, missing is the perennial idiot, Uncle Joe Biden (he’s still sniffing everyone else’s butts). Who along with Hillary (aka, “La Serpiente”) Clinton, will hopefully sit out this round. One man’s opinion. Oh, and let’s not forget Bernie “Rumpled Sofabed” Sanders, who seems so bewildered by the accusations of sexual misconduct in his last campaign that he will likely fade into the background. Also, there was no mention of the fringe candidates. Oh, they’re out there. And you’ll read about them first here. We loves us some fringe candidates. Actually, a few of those above (including Fearless Leader) might be considered fringe. It’s gonna be a long campaign! That is all! Comments are closed.
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