Time for another Guns-R-U.S. segment of Morning in America!

​Happy Summer everybody! And it’s time for another round of Morning in America, the game show otherwise known as Guns-R-U.S.!

Here today we have two players, one of whom seems particularly obsessed with amassing vast quantities of firearms for no known reason, the other just likes having a weapon at his side. Oh, did we mention? Both of our players today are prohibited from owning a firearm or possessing one because they’re both convicted felons!

Okay, let’s play Morning in America!

First up, we have from South Carolina, 24-year-old Michael Vines, known to his thug pals as The Vinester. Mr. Vines got into a confrontation with a stationary power pole this past Saturday night when his Toyota Camry (Vines’ Thug Mobile) got up close and personal with said pole.

The police were called, firefighters were called. The firefighters got there first and observed The Vinester toss a gun into some bushes. The cops soon arrived and retrieved said weapon from said bushes.

The Vinester was charged with driving under a suspended license (it’s how he rolls), driving too fast for the conditions (Camrys are old people cars), and unlawful possession of a firearm (hmmmm). It seems The Vinester has a long and distinguished history of felony convictions.

Now then, this sort of shenanigans would seem kind of pedestrian for most Millennials, but that’s not the case for The Vinester. What really distinguishes him from your usual thug is that his love for guns appears to know no bounds. He has a Glock pistol tattooed in the middle of his forehead (see mug shot) with a high-capacity magazine that extends down between his eyebrows.

Impressive piece of art! No really. I’m sure his mother is very proud.

Of course, the weapon he was caught with wasn’t nearly that modern. He had in his possession (and we’re guessing here) his creepy Uncle Carl’s S&W .38 revolver. Who the hell (besides me) would carry a S&W .38 in this day and age?
The Greenville, SC police made points for snark by stating in their report that only the real gun was “placed in property and evidence.”

Haha…oh, those Greenville police!

Next up, we have from Los Angeles County in California (the state motto of which loosely translated from the Latin is “If it’s burning, shaking, or sliding it’s Cali real estate”), 60-year-old Manuel Fernandez.

ManFer, as he’s known to associates, ratted out by his neighbor, was discovered to have 432 firearms in his home. The cops went back a day later and found an additional 91 weapons hidden throughout the home.

But wait, there’s more. They busted in the door of a known female “associate” and found another 30 weapons inside. Known female associate is on the run at this point.

So, let’s see, we’re up to 553 guns this guy had, and no one is sure exactly why. A gun fetish perhaps? It’s possible. An overly zealous second-amendment freak, you say? Again, it’s possible. Another stupid rebel without a cause? Most likely.

Trouble is, he’s a convicted felon prohibited from owning and possessing firearms.

The cops had (are having) a field day with ManFer. He is charged with being a felon in possession of firearms (553 of ‘em, by golly), possession of an assault rifle (it’s California, after all), being a felon in possession of ammo and large-capacity magazines (some of which could reportedly hold 100 rounds).

Now, the ManFer case raises other questions. How did he ever buy so many weapons? And, more importantly, where did he get the $$$ to buy so many weapons? Maybe he was using said running known female associate to be his buyer?

Now, the Feds are involved. BATF&E is all over it.

But here’s the best part…the guy is out on bail. No, I’m serious. Bet he has another stash somewhere in SoCal and is probably wallowing in blue steel as I type. His next court appearance is in July, any bets on whether he’ll show?
So, Cousin Fred, what do we have for our two contestants today?

“Well, Mr. Robin, upon conviction, both alleged crooks will likely be facing lengthy prison sentences as repeat offenders, so we thought we’d offer a multi-year subscription to Guns & Ammo – it’s what all the convicted felons are reading in prison!”

Okay, sports fans, that’s all we have time for today. Thanks for playing along at home and/or work on another Guns-R-U.S. episode of Morning in America!

That is all!

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