Think your holidays are weird? Be glad you aren't related to Trump. Putin calls into NORAD for updates. Mr. Robin disappears down the hidey hole.

Happy post-Christmas Thursday everybody. Hope you’re all well and have figured out a way to pay for all the stuff you bought your loved ones. If not, don’t worry, there’s still 363 days before you do it again…you’ll be fine.

Hey, speaking of uplifting messages, how about Fearless Leader? Am I right?

First, he cancels a 16-day golfing vacation to his exclusive resort down in Florida so that he can spew his “o’ woe is me…I’m all alone” tweets in protest of those darned Dems not giving him the $$$ for his wall.

Then we see photos of him sitting at his desk in the Oval Office forcing a smile for the camera as he signed a two-foot stack of bills into law – even though eagle-eyed observers observed that the pages were all blank.

Dedicated wife flew back to DC to be near Fearless Leader’s side on Christmas Eve. She’s so dedicated to him. Why exactly, no one is sure, but she’s dedicated dammit.

Next, we’re treated to the two of them manning the phones as the kids called into NORAD to get updates on Santa’s location.

<phone ringing> NORAD, this is Colonel Smith. Santa’s location? That’s classified, you have no need to know. Hey, where did you get this number anyway you little creep? Wait, I’ll put you through to the White House, make you their problem. Please hold.

<another NORAD-type> Weren’t you kind of harsh on the little kid, sir?

<Colonel Smith> That was no little kid, it was Putin!

We witnessed Fearless Leader berating a little kid (no it wasn’t Vlad the Poot) over their belief in Santa Claus. Yeah, I know, he was trying to funny. Kind of like your weird Uncle Carl playing the Pull-My-Finger game. Hahaha, it’s all fun and games until Uncle Carl sharts (an actual verb, look it up).

Let’s see…then we hear not much more from Fearless Leader until he shows up in al Assad Iraq to answer his critics about never visiting U.S. troops overseas during his first two years as president. Good for him, but then some well-meaning idiot in his entourage tweets out footage that turns out now to have been highly classified. Dumb ass.

But, wait, there’s more.

Then, he snubbed the president of Iraq as he blasted out of the country as quickly as he appeared – this despite his claims that ISIS has been totally crushed. He blamed that on his wife and his concern for her safety. <cough>

Next, he makes a refueling stop at an Air Force base in Germany where he erroneously told troops that his new budget would give them a 10% raise, the first raise of any kind in nearly a decade. Yeah, not so much. There’s no money in the budget for raises. He probably wanted to make certain there wasn’t a riot before the plane could be refueled and he could get the hell out of there.

So, here we are two days past Christmas wondering what the hell just happened.

Haven’t heard this morning where Fearless Leader is now. For all we know, he diverted Air Force One to Florida where he’ll take up golf, eating guest leftovers, and watching Russian porn (a special holiday gift from Vlad the Poot).

Of course, in the meantime, Vlad the Poot issued footage that showed him sitting at a consul during the test launch of Russia’s new hypersonic intercontinental missile. That was followed by Vlad announcing the missiles are ready for deployment. Isn’t that grand?

I bet Fearless Leader shows up at the Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin' Eve show in NYC this year. He’ll shove Dick’s preserved corpse out of the way, kick Ryan Seacrest in the nuts, and take over, regaling us all with tales of how he could have been the greatest rock n’ roll star the world every knew except he couldn’t sing or play anything.

He’ll play on everyone’s sympathies and they’ll send him cash, so he can finally build his wall and be a somebody. Please donate, help Fearless Leader, won’t you? By our calculations, if every man, woman, and child kicks in $18 – a mere eighteen dollars – he’ll get enough to build that wall! Let’s help him, please!

Tthhhpppptttt!

I don’t know about you, but I’m headed for The Compound hidey hole. It’s getting exponentially weird and increasingly dangerous out there!

That is all!
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