The world owes me a living...or at least a huge nudist resort!

I suppose most of us…certainly me in particular…dreamed large when fantasizing about how we would have spent that $1.5 billion lottery jackpot last week. Yep, I had it all planned out.
 
First thing, despite advice from so-called experts to take a six month cooling off period, I would have spent some of the cash.
 
I would have bought the Sutter Ranch, just west of Fargo. What remains of the place is roughly 13,000 acres and has been up for sale since summer. The asking price is $19 million, but that’s nothing to a nouveau riche billionaire with more money than sense.
 
I spent some time there as a kid, it’s beautiful land with a lot of water “features”…creeks, ponds, etc. There’s a lot of trees as I recall. Lots of wildlife…paradise really. Believe me when I tell you that the terrain in Oklahoma over an expanse of 13,000 acres can change dramatically.
 
What would I have done with 13,000 acres? Good question.
 
I would divide it into four parcels, I think.  Open a largish nudist resort on one of the quarters with guest cabins, meals served at a lodge, swimming pools, movie stars, sun screen, ahhhhh...
 
That would be fun, at least until the morons on North Lincoln Blvd. in OKC passed legislation making it a felony in Oklahoma to be naked outdoors (oh, it’s coming people). They’re such a bunch of buzzkills.
 
Two of the quarters I think I would turn into a native grass preserve, maybe turn a few bison out on it. Give people some sense of what it was like to be here prior to the Land Runs. Course, I’d have to figure out how to keep the naturalists away from the naturists, but on 13,000 acres I can’t imagine it being that tough.
 
The last quarter I think I would raise cattle and produce to feed the naked people at the nudist resort. You get hungry being naked outdoors.
 
Even after buying the entire ranch, I’d still have enough to keep the place up and buy a helicopter to take me to the “office” every day from the Compound (it’s only five miles away). And, actually, the helo would have a very practical purpose because I could use it to find naked people who wind up lost and being chased by angry bison.
 
I tell you…I’ve got to find some way to buy Sutter Ranch. If you have $19 million you would like to invest in my idea, let me know.
 
Immediately following the mega jackpot drawing last week, the internet was abuzz about a woman (pictured above) in Tennessee, who set up a Go Fund Me account online, declared herself a big loser of the Powerball jackpot and was trying to get people to give her money to cover her losses.
 
She actually said in her profile that she had spent all of her family’s money buying Powerball tickets because she just knew she was going to win. Mind you, she never said just how much she spent on lottery tickets, but you got the impression that she and her kids would starve now.
 
When I initially saw a news story about this person, I thought, “Sheesh, what a loser. She spent all of her family’s money on Powerball tickets and is now crying poor because she didn’t win?”
 
It occurred to me that if ever there was a person who deserved to wear a t-shirt that read, “The world owes me a living…” it was this woman. I carried on debates in my head about a generation of entitled dummies…blah, blah, blah.
 
But then it occurred to me that there was an element of genius in what she was doing. Seriously. I mean, if she could get people to drop cash into her Go Fund Me account, good for her.
 
Soon thereafter, I went back to minding my own damn business and wondering how many towels I would have to buy for my 3,000 acre nudist resort.
 
But then, I saw an article on Huffington Post about that same woman. She had actually collected $800 in Go Fund Me donations. It turns out the whole thing was a joke…she declared it so. Go Fund Me then declared a foul and shut down her account and refunded the $800 to the donors.
 
I keep thinking that maybe she’s on to something. Maybe Cosmic City should try to do the same thing since they’re in the hole on their current budget.
 
It’s gotten so bad, the City Manager replaced the cashews and pistachios in the bowl in his office with stale, generic brand peanuts and only doles them out at one nut per visitor per visit. Things are tough all over, me thinks.
 
So, if you’re up for adventure and have $19 million that you don’t know what to do with…give me a call. I’m good at helping people spend their money!
 

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