 A very happy Thursday to everyone. The week is flying past, don’t you think? Summer days are like that. It was quite a spectacle yesterday watching The Trump go head-to-head with his NATO counterparts…slinging rocks and hurling borderline (nyuk nyuk) insults at everybody. The best was when, at an early morning breakfast with the NATO Secretary General, The Trump lashed out at Germany for receiving the bulk of its natural gas and petroleum through a pipeline provided by Russia. He said he didn’t understand how the Germans could be cooperating with a country that they’re supposedly defending against. In The Trump’s mind, it smacks of collusion. Hmmm…he would know I guess. Oh, and the best video was of The Trump trying to convince the NATO Secretary General that the Secretary General is really a Trump fan. Weird. The Trump wants all of the other NATO countries to contribute as much or at least closer to what the U.S. spends on the alliance. Which, in the big scheme of things (and I can’t believe I’m saying this), makes good sense, particularly in a world where the imminent threat to Europe by a Soviet Bloc no longer exists. Or, maybe the U.S. should just spend less. I’m not sure you’d ever get our European allies to pony up more cash. The radical right was all too quick to explain The Trump’s antics as his particular brand of negotiation. He is a genius, you know (roll of eyes) …he tells us that a lot. Even the White House trotted out a spokesperson to explain that video of Chief of Staff John Kelly sitting at the breakfast with a disgusted look on his face was because those stupid Belgians only served him a pastry and a piece of cheese. He wanted an American breakfast of high protein, vats of cholesterol, and buckets of fat. The kind of foodstuff that made America great! (Not to mention obese). Uh huh…what he really wanted for breakfast was for The Trump to stop running his mouth and eat his damned Belgian cheese! Eh well, only three more stops on this trip to make. It’s gonna be fabulous, you’ll see. Friends, do you text while driving? Of course, you do. Everyone does! Is it stupid? You bet! Is it dangerous? Yup. Are you such an important person that whatever you’re texting can’t possibly wait until you’re no longer in the vehicle? Hell no, it can’t wait…you’re much too important! Oh sure, you justify it all in your mind by only texting at stoplights and stop signs. The fuzz surely won’t bust you for that, you tell yourself. It’s not against the law when you’re waiting for the stupid red light to change and the car behind you begins honking because you’re deep into a convo with all your BFFs over a mutual friend’s sizzling summer affair with the pool man, whom we’ll call Tato (turn it over in your head, it’ll come to you). Or perhaps you’re carrying on a philosophical group text with your pals working through the question of whether it’s okay to ogle attendees at a funeral (the consensus is that it’s probably okay immediately following the service while standing in the reception line in the lobby but would be a ghastly faux pas during a wake). Please note that I skillfully avoided any sort of tacky reference to the Oklahoma news dynasty that is the Ogle family (that’ll come tomorrow). But, I digress… The point is you can justify just about any illegal activity if you think hard enough. Take for instance, the guy in Florida (I know, it’s always Florida) who was reported to 911 for continually bumping the car in front of him at a McDonald’s drive thru. Dude wanted his two cheeseburgers and small fries dammit! The cops arrive and allegedly POUR Earl Stevens, Jr. out of his car (Earl Sr. is so proud). Yep, he was drunk as a skunk, drunker than Cooter Brown, sh*t faced drunk, knee walking drunk, commode hugging drunk…well, you get the picture. He starts to get out of the car but it’s still in “Drive” and began rolling forward. That minor crisis avoided, poor ol’ Earl (pictured above) informed alleged officers that he was NOT, in fact, drunk driving because he was only taking swigs out of the bottle at stop signs and stop lights. Well played Earl well played! The cops confiscated an open bottle of Jim Beam on the passenger seat. Earl the Pearl assured them that he had not had one drink while the vehicle was in motion, but repeated that he was only taking sips (all together now) at stoplights and stop signs. Unfortunately, for alleged Earl, the police had zero sense of humor and arrested him for DUI and driving without a valid license (he had two prior DUI convictions in Missouri). Bet they were late for their daily donut klatch at a nearby 7-11, probably low blood sugar. Junior was quickly released on a $1900 bond (really?) and will be arraigned on July 31. What have we learned here today?
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