The Trump declared demon-free...no, Hillary is still running...oh, and Cousin Fred is back!

Good morning, everybody! Another Friday upon us! I was up most of the night packing for my trip to Long Island, NY for the debate on Monday. My plane doesn’t leave until late this afternoon so hopefully I can get some sleep beforehand.

I solidified my deal with Southern Living magazine yesterday. They’ve booked a suite at the Grand Hyatt in Manhattan for me and the virginal vegan Brooklynn Hodensack. I wasn’t too happy about the location since the hotel is 20 miles away from the debate will be held, but they said it was the best they could do. Everything on Long Island is locked up. They’re giving me a car service to run me back and forth and anywhere else I want to go.

When the virginal vegan checked in with me yesterday evening, I told her about Cousin Fred. She said she will use a resource she has in NYPD to try to locate him in the city. She also asked me to email her the list of items I’ll require for the debate.

Normally, I have Cousin Fred take care of that detail, but I hadn’t seen him so I put a list together that included: six cases of Jack Daniel’s (large bottles); four cases of Mezcal (with worm); 21 cases of Modelo Especial beer (breakfast of champion writers); two HP laptops with wide screens; 14 portable hard drives; eight 78” SUHD 4K Curved LED Smart HDTVs (there are a lot of channels to watch in NYC); four dedicated broadband circuits; 15 boxes of pens; 100 legal pads; and, 55 cases of Frito’s Corn Chips.

That should hold me for the four days I’ll be there.

I also have the virginal vegan trying to run down exclusive interviews with the Trump and the Queen of the Unindicted. Not sure it will happen though. The Trump is coming out of an exorcism (more on that later) and likely won’t be interested in dealing one on one with a demonic media type wannabe like me. But, who knows…maybe he can exorcise some of my demons in the process. It’s really unlikely that the Queen of the Unindicted will meet with me after we let her husband, Clinton the First into a few of our parties back in the pre-convention days.

So, anyway…this is all my long way of telling you that Cousin Fred has returned to The Compound! After packing late into the evening last night, I fell into bed only to awaken at 2:30 to a grinding sound. The Compound Mutts were barking and carrying on, so I grabbed a weapon and two magazines of ammo and opened the front door.

There, to my surprise, was Cousin Fred sitting on a stool in front of Hellkat One’s trailer. He had a smallish handheld tool in his hand and was attempting to saw through the plaster of his cast.

As the last piece fell away, I half expected to see him collapse on the ground in pain, but he just picked up a hose and rinsed himself off. He barely looked at me before going inside the trailer and I’m sure crashing into bed. I walked down to turn out the headlights of Gigi’s Lexus. It looked like hell. The windshield is covered in cracks from rock hits. The entire vehicle is so covered in bug splats, road tar, and grime that it was only barely recognizable.

Somehow, I don’t think he’ll be in any shape to come to NYC with me. Maybe he can join me later in the weekend. Once he figures out I know where Gigi definitely is (within roughly 20 miles), he’ll be on the first flight out of OKC.

Oh, speaking of the Trump and where he is at the moment. Did you hear that some Evangelical preacher declared that the Trump is possessed by Satan himself? All of this took place in Cleveland (Cleveland rocks?) at an event that the Trump attended. The Evangelical declared that the Trump is currently undergoing a “concentrated satanic attack” (no mention of Hillary) and offered to perform an exorcism. So with a whole herd of holy people surrounding him and laying on hands (I bet the Secret Service guys loved that) the Trump was declared demon-free.

Hmmm…so we’ll see how the demon-free Trump acts during the debates. Who knows? Maybe he’s cured? Nahhhh.

On to New York!

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