 Happy Monday everybody! Hope you had a great weekend! Do you know what today is? No, not a day dedicated to that genocidal fool Columbus. Why, it’s the 123rd anniversary of the infamous Cabinet Saloon gunfight, that’s what! But, of course, you knew that. At least you know that if you’ve hung around CCB long enough. You people need a life! So, considering the anniversary falls today, I’m sure you were expecting me to regale you with tales of twisted, deranged activities here at The Compound leading up to today. Am I right? Interestingly, I’m here to report nothing. No one showed up this year, much to Cousin Fred’s dismay. When we last reported, the Burning Man refugees were camped down at the far end of the center lawn. They gave up the tents when the rains started here in earnest on Sunday. The gator head cult from Florida crossed the Red River only to be arrested and charged by a multi-county task force seeking to stop the illegal smuggling of dried animal parts into the state. The cult, as many of you know, wears dried gator skulls as headgear. One animal parts lawman was interviewed on television. He sobbed as he spoke, so it took a while to get it all out, but he said, “That these cretins would do that (sob) to a poor innocent alligator (sob sob) is beyond words. If God had intended for gators to be used (sob sob sob) for anything other than wallets and shoes, he would have put feathers coming out of the head.” Think about it, turn it over in your head, it’ll come to you! While the members of the gator cult were able to make bail, they still didn’t make it past the first casino coming north. The heavy rains kept the Buick princesses away. The head princess when she called said that they just weren’t getting the same vibe this year and so an appearance by the ghost of Temple Houston demanding rye whiskey and fresh ammo was most unlikely. Thank goodness! Of course, we still have the assortment of multi-county law set up out on the road demanding coffee and donuts every morning. They start making noise about serving warrants if we don’t serve coffee and donuts first thing. I notice this morning that the nonstop rains seem to have thinned their numbers. Nothing worse than a soggy donut. So, hopefully today will pass quietly. Not sure whether we’ll have some sort of observance in the Cab re-replication tonight or not. At least if the place burns down tonight as it did last year it won’t burn long with all this rain. Speaking of all this rain, Lake Mountebank in the north pasture is once again filled to the brim so feel free to bring your boats and jet skis by for a little post-summer fun. Friends, as many of you know, I spent a LOT of years traveling around the world. Over the course of that time, I had occasion to sample weird (dare I say, disgusting) foods that were local specialties. Let’s see there was fresh (not to mention raw) monkey brain; horse meat; fried sparrows (legs and feathers still attached); jellyfish; giraffe; snake; fermented mare milk; boiled camel urine; grilled rat served with a béchamel sauce; BBQ donkey; some sort of plum moonshine that caused me to smell weird for a week afterward; and, so on. The other thing that I observed over the years was the number of museums of various types and subjects that each location proudly marched you through. Hell, in Oklahoma alone there are 525 public museums! But the Swedish people in Sweden (amazing how that works) have some of the wackiest. Who know those people were so weird? I always figured they were too busy preening their blonde hair and ogling their Volvos to be involved in anything wacky. But there it is…in Malmö, Sweden…the Disgusting Food Museum. Seriously. With 80 different displays of weird cultural delights from around the world. Said displays include: maggot-infested cheese from Sardinia; roasted Guinea pigs from Peru; mouse wine (pictured) from China; three-penis wine also from China (seal, deer, and dog); stinky tofu from whoknowswhere; Durian fruit from Thailand (looks disgusting and smells like sweaty feet); well-aged smoked shark from Iceland (looks like leather), to name a few. Presumably, they rotate the displays to keep fresh stock on hand? Can you imagine the smells inside the building? Maybe the displays are in hermetically sealed (and hopefully refrigerated) cases? So many questions, too few answers. If you go there, the museum sponsors eating competitions of their displays. Now there’s an adventurous vaca, eh? We’ll pay for video of that action. Keep us in mind. I’m off to buy donuts for the “gang of sworn thugs” out on the road. That is all! Comments are closed.
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