![]() Happy Tuesday to everyone…it’s our second day back from our altogether too brief official hiatus. Our readership numbers for yesterday were way down. Guess it takes a while for people to find us on here, or perhaps it was simply the Monday morning blues. Just realized it’s the Ides of March…guess I’d better wear my knife proof toga today. Et tu, Brute? Still, there were several people who hit me up yesterday about whether or not we at CCB are planning a huge one year anniversary blowout on the 17th. The short answer is probably not…it’s also St. Patrick’s Day, so there will be enough blowingout going on without a stupid…er, the Best Little Blog in Oklahoma (trademarked) adding to the din. Cousin Fred, Friend Lamont and I are preparing to head up to the “high country” (Colorado’s new state motto) to begin advance work for our new reality series, “The Bigfoot: Naked and Untamed”. The production crew should arrive in early April. Truth be told, we’re still looking for reality actors, so if you are interested please drop me a line. Actually, I could have sent Friend Lamont and Cousin Fred up to Colorado for the advance work, but I figure it’s a good time for me to duck out…the Wife is getting surly. I saw her rooting around in drawers the other day, trying to find where I hid her filterless Pall-Malls. I was hoping we would be able to leave Lassie the barking goat with her, but whenever I bring it up, she mutters something dropping “that damned beast into the ground and cook her.” Like I don’t have enough to worry about! They’re just thrilled at the daily periodical that won’t allow me to mention their name in this blog about my taking a sabbatical to run off to Colorado in search of the Bigfoot. I offered to send daily dispatches from the mountain, but the Editor muttered something about needing someone to cover the Cedar Heights Elementary production of “Henry V” followed by “I hate Shakespeare!”…or words to that effect. Regardless, I can’t have the Wife cooking the goat since Lassie is our canary in the coal mine, as it were. She starts barking as soon as she senses the Bigfoot nearby. At least she did last time, right before she took off down the trail and off the mountain. She left a trail of little goat poo that a blind man could have followed off that mountain. I may ask one of my lodge brothers of the Pathetic Order of the Jackrabbit – Original Chapter (POJOC) to look after him. Though that bunch would be the first to drop her in the ground with lit coals and cover her with palm branches to cook. Something tells me that Lassie is coming with us. (Spoiler alert – here comes the segue) And, speaking of a trail of poo that someone could follow… There was an article on the Huffington Post web site this morning about some poor dumb bastard in Florida who first thought he could outwit the police…then he thought he could outrun the police…and finally, he thought he found a way to get even with the police (hint, I think he did). There are two things I taught my daughter years ago. The first was to never lie to the police. They get lied to all the time and can smell a lie from 75 meters. The second was always to be cooperative if you get pulled over. For instance, at night I’ll always turn on the dome light and place my hands on the steering wheel. It’s not that I’m being particularly courteous…I just don’t want to get shot. So it seems that our subject in Florida had never learned Robin’s rules for dealing with the fuzz. First of all, he was flying down a Florida highway at 75mph in a 55 zone. Now, for you legal neophytes, that’s felony reckless in most states. Though generally, if you haven’t done anything stupid in the last 18 months, they’ll lower the charge and bang you for 19 over the speed limit. It seems that Speedy McSpeed told the officer who pulled him over that he was in a hurry to get home because needed “to go No. 2.” Hey we’ve all been there, right? Now, under most circumstances, the cop would likely have written the ticket and told Speedy to slow down, but noooooo. It seems that Officer Friendly had the nose of a bloodhound. He sticks his head inside the window and told Speedy that he could smell “unburnt” marijuana. Hmmmmmm. Maybe Speedy had the trunk packed with poorly packed contraband…maybe he was wearing his new essence, Eau de Skunk Weed…maybe, just maybe Officer Friendly wanted a trip through the vehicle. Who knows? He asked Speedy to step out of the car…several times. But, Speedy refused citing his urgent need to go No. 2. Finally, Speedy locked his door and sped away with Officer Friendly in hot pursuit. Play theme from Dragnet here… The Po-Po chased soon to be Captain Poo-Poo all the way to his home. There he emerged from his vehicle on a dead run for the bathroom inside. Now, here’s another Robin rule for avoiding being shot by the cops…when engaged in a foot pursuit, wherein you are the pursuee, whatever you do, don’t reach for the waistband of your trousers. I’m sure Capt. Poo-Poo was merely trying to unbuckle his Levi’s to save a little time when he got to the bathroom. The Po-Po thought he was going for a weapon and fired a Taser into his back and then still had to wrestle Capt. Poo-Poo to the ground. And, guess what? They only found a small stash of weed in the car. That’s some nose Officer Friendly has. He should be sniffing out bags at the airport or something. On the way to county jail, Capt. Poo-Poo couldn’t hold it any longer and let loose in his pants and the back seat of the cruiser. Oh, just for good measure he peed too. The sheriff’s spokesman commented that the damage was confined to man hours spent trying to clean the mess out of the backseat. Let that be a lesson to you! For what exactly, I have no idea. Move along…nothing to see here! Comments are closed.
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