 Today, I’m going to depart from my usual sort of format and try something new, like…enlightening you people!
We’ll start with me introducing two new words…the first is facetious: a word that means treating serious issues with deliberately inappropriate humor. It’s what I do with this blog on nearly a daily basis (except weekends, I’m too busy drinking then). The next word is trolling: Now, trolling is an old word that has taken on new meaning. The old form is dragging a baited hook behind a slow moving boat in the hopes of hooking a fish. The newest form of the word means making a deliberately offensive or provocative posting online in order to elicit a response. Again, something I do with some regularity. Here are a couple of examples of how these words are employed… The photo above is a dog with a piece of ham on his face. That’s all it is…ham. I eat it, you probably have had some in your life. It runs a steady third place behind bacon and ribs as far as eating pig parts, but it’s up there! And, until you’ve had a plate of fried eggs, grits and a thick ham steak smothered in red-eye gravy, you haven’t lived. But, I digress… I’m really very certain that within milliseconds of that photo being taken that dog snarfed down that slice of ham, licked its chops, and looked to its human for more. But, no, human companion posted the photo to his Facebook page announcing that the dog had its face burned off while trying to rescue his family from a house fire. It’s a piece of deli meat on a dog’s face! He ended his post asking people to pray for poor, brave Fido with: one like=one prayer, one share=ten prayers. He wound up with 62,559 likes, 1,282 comments, 117,178 shares. And if you think the comments were all, “Hahaha, that’s a piece of ham on a dogs face. Obviously this guy is being facetious and trolling us.” Nope. He garnered comments such as (and I’m not making this up), “Praying awesome are dogs each dog have saved me in one form or other.” (that poster got 8 likes) or “Please help this dog. He helped his family save them.” (that guy got 9 likes). I can’t figure out if they’re actually praying for a dog with ham on his face, or praying that the dog will find a home with a less facetious and troll-like human. And, maybe, just maybe we’re a nation that needs glasses. That’s ham on the dog’s face. If you’re so cloistered that you spend your days watching the Fox News whores or playing Call of Duty that you can’t tell the difference between a burned off face and a piece of meat, you have problems the likes of which I’ll never be able to solve! And, yes, I get it. Generally, on Facebook I’m so busy trying to wade through the sea of birthday wishes, new friend requests, and the ever present I’m-lonely-please-prove-you’re-my-friend requests that sometimes I only briefly scan something before hitting “like”. I also know that sometimes you soooo want to believe something that you overlook the obvious - like it’s a piece of delectable deli meat on a dog’s face (lucky mutt). I experienced that myself yesterday, when one of the folks in my office (the local daily print periodical that won’t allow me to say their name in this blog) passed around something he found on Facebook. It was a supposedly genuine news report about a woman in Wisconsin who stabbed her boyfriend five times after she caught him having sex with a frozen turkey. Now, I’ll admit, I was thrilled with the prospect of posting their alleged mug shots (police supposedly charged him with indecent liberties on a flightless fowl I think) to my blog this morning. I’m just cynical enough to believe the worst in humanity, because…and you can believe this…I have seen the worst that humanity can throw at itself. It isn’t pretty! But, then I started thinking about that story, which didn’t quite ring true. It finally hit me when I figured out that the news logo identifying the station in Wisconsin that originally reported the story was Now8News…get it? No Wait News. It’s a parody site filled with bogus news reports such as (an actual report on the site) “Congress orders Statue of Liberty dismantled and scrapped”. I actually applied to write for them. The good news for you people is that everything you read on this site is true. Cousin Fred does exist. I live on a fortified compound on the western edge of Woodward County. The Wife, when she’s angry with me, actually sits on the front porch swigging Jack Daniel’s, smoking filterless Camels and singing “My Philadelphia Home”. You want real news…you found it, Baby! Comments are closed.
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