The great noodle truck robbery...tin-foil hats at The Compound...Men! Groom thyself!...it's Friday!8/17/2018
![]() Happy Friday everybody! Yet another week done gone by and hopefully you have something to show for it. Otherwise, I could recommend drinking heavily…it’s always worked for me. Cousin Fred began wearing tin foil on his head following yesterday’s post about hackers seizing control of satellites and then turning receiver antennas on the ground into weapons of mass destruction cooking all of us from the inside out. In fact, I turned on the television this morning to discover it wasn’t working. We had lost the signal. Apparently, Cousin Fred has disassembled the DISH receiver outside during the night and hidden the various parts in/around The Compound. Now he’s in his underground bunker and refuses to come out. And you people wonder why I still drink? Such is life around here. Finally, for those people who have been sending me emails and texts informing me that today is National Men’s Grooming Day…thank you (NOT). I’m not trimming the beard this go around until I’m mistaken for a pudgy version of the Reverend Billy Gibbons. So there! Friends, how much do you love Ramen noodles? You know, that sodium laden staple of every Millennial out there? At 29 cents a serving (target.com), I may take up Ramen eating myself. The sodium level is astronomical, but if your blood pressure is under control, what the hell? It beats the canned cat food that I occasionally pick through for lunch (91 cents a serving from chewey.com). Just kidding…you can get the same cans for 80 cents a serving at Dollar General. Law enforcement down in Fayette County, Georgia (jaw-ja to the locals) are investigating a truck heist in which some $100,000 worth of Ramen noodles packets were heisted. The trailer filled with the noodles was parked at a Chevron truck stop along I-85N. The cops say the theft occurred between July 25th and August 1st. Hmm. So, a 53-foot trailer was parked at a truck stop for a week and nobody noticed it was gone? Me thinks there is something more to this than meets the eye. How much Ramen could a 53-foot trailer hold, you want to know? See that’s why you people keep coming back to CCB to get the facts, the hard facts, the stuff that the fake news media won’t give you (unless of course Fearless Leader is somehow involved). Cue the theme from Dragnet. According to our calculations, $100,000 worth of Ramen at .29 per packet comes to 344,828 packets of that crap. That is 64,831,424 calories and 301,724,500 milligrams of sodium. And, with that much Ramen you could eat nothing but Ramen three times a day for 315 years and never have to buy any groceries. Hijo de la chingada (it’s also National Curse in Spanish Day). I’m guessing that by year 25 you would begin growing salt crystals out of every orifice. Turn that image around in your head for a while. So, what do you think our alleged noodle heisters are up to? Perhaps feeding a compound of paranoid survivalists living somewhere in Georgia? Could be, could very well be. I can attest to how much it costs to feed a compound of paranoid, tin-foil wearing, lunatics (among whom I count myself) here in Oklahoma. If they try to sell them on the black market, they’ll have to undercut Target’s price of 29 cents. I say knock a dime off the price and move them out the door, but that’s just me. Fayette County PD have put their crack crime fighting team on the case, reportedly headed by a hard-boiled salty old detective known for noodling through tough cases…nyuk nyuk. That is all! Comments are closed.
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