![]() Hey, hey…look at us! We’ve made it to Wednesday without losing any body parts (disclaimer: if in fact you have lost a body part or two this week, we at CCB are genuinely sorry for your loss). It’s hump day, people. Get up and hump something! For me, it’s generally a guitar amplifier from which I’m trying to pull a bit more electronic feedback as I channel Hendrix. And, even if you did lose a limb or two, you think you have problems? The Compound has suddenly become the center of Universe for spiritualists’ paranormal research. Monday, we had a group from North Dakota arrive here, all with their EMF meters and digital recorders. Word has gotten around the spiritualist community that the Cabinet Saloon replication (aka, The Cab) is a hot spot for things that go bump in the night. They’re all looking to meet the ghost of Temple Houston. The only thing that’s gone bump in the night at The Cab so far, has been Cousin Fred who got a little too far into a bottle of Schnapps on Monday and face planted on the floor of the bar in the downstairs portion. I was inside the main house when it happened and heard a murmur rise up in the crowd outside, so I went out. The thud created by an unconscious Cousin Fred got them stirred up. There’s nothing like the sight of a 100 or more fervent ghostchasers with their EMF meters in the air. All of them were chanting, “Come to us, Temple, and make your presence known. We will give you whiskey and ammo!” All of this going on while Cousin Fred lay face down on the floor snoring with a decibel equivalence of an F/A-18 jet in full afterburner. But that’s not the worst part. Yesterday, even more arrived. There was the group from New Jersey who are convinced that spirits reside on the planet Saturn. Their rap is that the rings around Saturn are actually a ghostly freeway that spirits use to come and go to Earth. They were followed by a group from Florida whose beliefs include that alligators act as a conductor, if you will, for ghosts who wish to appear on Earth. They wear dried gator skulls on their heads and all of them to a person, man or woman, go by the name Wally. So now, I think, we’re up to around 200…let the freak parade begin! There is a rumor moving through the crowds that one of the paranormal shows on TV is sending a crew. Late last night, as I was outside before bed, the lead Wally from Florida asked me when I thought Temple would reappear. It seems that bunch, at least, is on a schedule. Reappear? I told him that as far as I knew, the ghost of Temple Houston had not yet appeared. Why would he? After making that statement, some of the horde out front split off. Ten of them went to Elmwood Cemetery in Cosmic City to chant over Temple Houston’s grave. Others scattered along State Route 15 as guides for his spirit to find The Cab here on The Compound. “I’m picking up something on the EMF…it’s very strong…it’s moving this way…it’s him, it’s him. No wait, just another oilfield tanker. False alarm.” There’s no reasoning with zealots of any shade, I suppose. Not even, fake zealots who use their alleged zealousness for financial gain…speaking of which. Friends, have you ever thought about the sheer number of stuff you hear about that people do in the name of one religion or another? You know, “…Satan made me do it…” or “…God spoke to me and told me to barbeque those people…” - stuff like that. Well, meet John Michael Haskew of Florida (bet he has a dried gator head under his bed). Mr. Haskew is a friend of Jesus. Mr. Haskew was unemployed and got into trouble with the Federal Government, owing them a ton of dough. Mr. Haskew claims that Jesus created wealth for him and all of us, to be shared. Mr. Haskew set out to claim as he stated to the Judge, “…the wealth that Jesus Christ created for me and belongs to me.” Over a 48 hour period in December, over the course of 70 transactions, Mr. Haskew committed, against a “well-known and renowned” bank, wire fraud in the amount of $7 billion…yes, that billion with a big fat B. Having some experience personally in moving huge amounts of cash domestically and overseas, I can tell you this is astounding on a level heretofore never dreamed of. Soon after he was arrested, Mr. Haskew began his rap that Jesus told him to do it. It’s his story and he’s sticking to it. In a plea bargain…I know how this works, too…he had to tell investigators EXACTLY how he was able to pull off an electronic heist of that magnitude, they only charged him with one count of making a false statement to the Federal Government. And, guess what? That false statement was NOT that Jesus told him to do it! The reporter covering the story in Florida pointed out that Jesus was not available for comment (hahahahaha). He’s (Mr. Haskew) facing five years in prison and a $250,000 fine. Somehow I suspect that Mr. Haskew won’t have much trouble raising that kind of money. He seems to have the inside track. That is all! Comments are closed.
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