The Bigfoot's in the can and we're out on the Stump with Trump...must be Tuesday!

Good morning everybody! After a long pause CCB is back!

It is, however, my sad duty to report that Lassie the Barking Goat is no longer grazing among us. Although it remains unclear as to what exactly happened on that mountain in Montezuma, CO – I think I can confirm with a good deal of confidence that he was carried off by The Bigfoot.

After so many days on the side of that mountain around naked people, Lassie the Barking Goat had developed kind of an attitude. By that, I mean he would lower his head and butt anyone he perceived as being in his way. I can’t say that I blame him for that. Frankly, I was getting tired of being around all that nakedity myself. It got so I didn’t bother to look up to see the face of someone addressing me. I could tell by looking at their parts who they were…parts is parts after all.

Anyway, I think Lassie the Barking Goat head-butted The Bigfoot and was promptly scooped up and taken away as a meal. We heard an awful ruckus one night, but there was little evidence other than the gigantic foot prints (hence, The Bigfoot).
The good news in all of that is that we have eight episodes of raw video footage for our reality show, “The Bigfoot: Naked and Untamed” in the can (Hollywood-speak).

We had an amazing cast, all of them singers besides being naked reality show talent. I think we got some real classic television in those cans (figuratively speaking, of course).

So, the video footage is off for post-production work. The biggest part of which will be the blurring of the parts, which will be a real challenge, me thinks. Cousin Fred, as he was casting for talent, seemed to be picking the people with the most…ummmmm…prominent parts, let’s say. So, there will be a lot of blurred pixels being used.

I don’t want to give away the ending of the trip. We’ll save that, but I will tell you it’s pretty spectacular. How’s that for a teaser?

So it is that The Bigfoot: Naked and Untamed is in the can and now Cousin Fred and I are off on a new adventure.

We’ve been asked to embed with The Trump’s growing press corps for the remaining ten primaries (after today, Super Tuesday 13). Well, I was asked to embed with the campaign. Cousin Fred is coming along for the ride. He has one of the video cameras that we used on The Bigfoot: Naked and Untamed set and we’ll do interviews along the way with the candidate. The Trump’s campaign director was at first reluctant to even let me on board. Particularly given that my sponsor (cum employer) for the embedment (sic) is MAD Magazine. But, fearing that MAD Magazine’s real interest lies on the Clinton side, they figured it was better to keep an eye on me. As for, Cousin Fred, they agreed to let him come along on a Space “A” basis. If Wisenski from the Post makes it back from his unfortunate fall down the stairs leading up to the plane’s door, they’ll likely bump Cousin Fred.

I’ll say right now that I doubt Wisenski from the Post will make it back. Just sayin’.
Although it would have been nice to spend a little more time here at The Compound decompressing, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

I’m not sure The Wife wanted us around anyway. She leaves for Mexico (olé) on Friday and doesn’t have time for our nonsense. Since we got back from Colorado yesterday, she keeps moving around the house with a filterless Pall Mall gritted in her teeth muttering something about naked perverts.

I’ll ask The Brother-in-Law to swing by The Compound and make sure things are okay while we’re gone.

Cousin Fred and I leave for Philadelphia this morning. After that, we’re on the road constantly through the end of June. Then it’s on to the GOP convention. After that, I reckon that Cousin Fred and I will be trailing after The Trump all the way to the general election in November – assuming he wins the nomination, of course.

MAD Magazine is gearing up to take their publication from every other month to every other week all the way to the general election. Be sure to buy the editions with my dispatches from the road, which I’m tentatively calling, “On the Stump with The Trump”…I know, catchy right?

As this moves along, The Trump’s campaign becomes even more interesting. For instance, I saw something in the Woodward News (whose motto translated from the Ukrainian is “open wide”) this morning that Mary Fallin is being considered as a vice presidential running mate for The Trump. Well, I guess that’s one way to get rid of her. Just sayin’.

And then yesterday, the Fox News whores and the CNN bimbos (and yes, I count Wolf Blitzer among that group) were positively giddy about a report that Ted “The Chin” Cruz and John “The Choirboy” Kasich were (and I quote) combining forces to stop The Trump.

The Trump, of course, dismissed all that as so much desperation – and, I think he’s right.

Hang on folks, it’s going to be a wild ride to Cleveland or wherever the hell the GOP will hold its convention.  

Okay, clean underwear is done drying…we’re out of here!
 

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