The Adventures of Mole Man...or, Hidey Hole Confessions, Part Deux...in which Mr. Robin takes up a life of dark angst in decrepit grain elevators.

Attention! Attention, please! We at CCB are bringing you a “special” Saturday announcement. Gather around, Cosmic City Bloggites…here’s the buzz!

The world will not, repeat NOT, end today, Saturday 23 September. But things are taking a downhill turn!

So, I come up out of the hidey hole at 0400 to download the overnight intelligence. And, guess what? There’s a story reprinted from the Washington Post that contains an interview they did with David “Numbers” Meade, the doomsday prophet who claims that a rogue planet known as Nibiru is going to crash into the Earth.

You know if the Washington Post is all over the story there must be something to it, right? After all, their motto taken from the Aramaic is “We wanted to be the New York Times, but the name and city were already taken.”

Numbers is postponing the apocalypse…for now. He claims he was off on his numerology and that the key number is 33 not 23, or some nonsense like that. And, he is somehow tying the Great Pyramids of Giza to Jesus…eh, it’s all too scientific for me. Now then, let’s see, there isn’t a September 33, so he’s figuring the end of days is now in early October.

BUT, and it’s a big ol’ but, he did say that today (9/23) is the tipping point and a series of calamities will be cascading toward the ultimate destruction of us all. WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE, just not as fast as previously thought.

So that means you still have a few days to take up a life of crime, max out your credit cards, drive as fast as you’ve always wanted to drive, tell your boss to kiss your a**, start blowing up decrepit abandoned grain elevators for fun…oh, wait, that’s my list. You make your own.

So a series of cataclysmic events begin today. Maybe that means that Alabama, Clemson, Penn State, and USC all lose their games today. No wait, that would be a good thing (again, my list).

I’m feeling so refreshed…so alive…I may come out of the hidey hole today. But, wait, there’s more.

Overnight, it seems that Supreme Moron and Pillsbury Laughing (laugh with him or die) Doughboy Kim Jong Uno set off another nuke in NoKo, causing a 3.1 earthquake. Freaking dumbass.

There were stories about two more teachers arrested for seducing their students. One of them a female in Texas I think was arrested for the second time two months when she was found with a slightly older different boy. Some rich dude drained the blood from, scalped, and otherwise generally tortured his girlfriend. Oh, and The Trump is calling for a boycott of the NFL. OH, AND we still have the special session of the Oklahoma Legislature to look forward to early next week as the Morons on Lincoln Blvd attempt to close a gaping budget gap (gaping gap…see what I did there?) as they spend more money while wasting time on a special session that will end in failure.

Okay, that’s it, I’m staying in the hidey hole.

Oh, wait…there’s more…this just in! I’m NOT making this crap up!

Another group of lunatic fringe Christians that call themselves the Unsealed claim that a great Biblical image will appear in the sky today! Yes, today! Ya’ll keep your eyes skyward, I’m back down the hidey hole.

I’m sending Cousin Fred into town for prepper supplies. We’ll need bottled water, Sterno, Beany-Wienies, Vienna Sausages, Ramen Noodles, and liquor, lots of liquor.

Just in case…

That is all!
 

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