String beans to Utah, bananas to Palm Beach, and what happened to TrumpB? These and other mysteries solved! Sort of.

Happy Wednesday everyone. Hope everyone is safe and sound. From ice storms here on the Plains to near hurricane force winds on the east coast and then everything back to spring-like temps, 2017 has been a wild ride so far, I think.

Things here at The Compound have pretty much returned to normal following Iceapalooza 2017. I’m way behind where I want to be at this point in time (project wise), having lost an entire week with no power here. But, on the other hand, I was behind on where I wanted to be before the ice storm hit, so I guess I can’t really whine.

Work is proceeding nicely on the Cabinet Saloon replication going up on the north lawn here at The Compound. Cousin Fred and his crew, made up of members of the Pathetic Order of the Jackrabbit – Original Chapter (P.O.J.O.C.), have the external walls up now and even have the roof covered. Interior work is underway this week.

The person from DEQ was supposed to be here yesterday to approve the location and design of the septic system. We’ll hopefully have the septic in before the end of the week assuming DEQ ever shows.

Bet they’re all out goofing off with Her Royal Highness Mary of Fallin lingering in DC and trying to get an audience with The Trump. “I’ll be your Deputy Vice Undersubsecretary of Commerce. I know a lot about screwing up an economy!”

Also expecting to see the Daughter today. She has a new job driving a truck route from Virginia to Utah delivering cases upon cases of string beans. String beans to Utah…has a melodic ring to it.

Friend Lamont is coming in from western Arkansas and will contribute his talents as an interior designer. Never knew that Friend Lamont is an interior designer, but he even has a degree from the University of Arkansas in human ecology.

Whatever that means.

Friend Lamont, of course, was the chief videographer when we were shooting our episodes of Bigfoot: Naked and Untamed for the Viceland Channel.

I’ll have to question Friend Lamont about his degree…human ecology. Somehow I don’t think I’d normally associate interior design skills with that particular major.

I mean, I guess it has something to do with the interaction between humans and their surroundings? That’s the intuitive answer…so it’s likely wrong. Hey, maybe human ecologists are people who spend their time deciding who belongs and who doesn’t. You know, kind of like the alleged Obama Death Squads of so long ago.

There are certainly a host of people to be considered for not belonging.

Take for instance the woman, for purposes of this post we’ll call her La Chiquita, or LC for short, down in Florida. LC breaks into the Mar-A-Lago resort (belongs to The Trump) and goes on a rampage smearing banana on the windows of guests cars.

Wow…powerful stuff, eh? Was she wearing a Madonna-autographed pu**y hat and protesting The Trump as a misogynistic grumpy old man?

Nope.

Okay, perhaps she is a modest fruit vendor who is hoping the new president will do something to lower import tariffs on bananas? And to make her point smeared banana everywhere?

Seriously doubt it.

Did she even realize she was in a The Trump-owned property?

Well, yeah, apparently so. She left a message on the public access computer in the lobby: F***UTrumpB. TrumpB? Did I miss something? What happened to TrumpA?

Hmmmm…the mystery deepens.

So, the cops show up, but only after she refused the resort security guard’s request to leave (she’s a rebel) and removed balloons from inside the resort and tied them to bushes outside (ah, another clue!).

She told police that she was protesting a cyberattack. Really? On her personally? By whom? She never said.

In the end, they charged her with misdemeanor trespassing and released her. Released her? She’s freaking nuts and they released her?!?

See, this is where a human ecologist would come in handy. Friend Lamont would step forward as she was leaving the downtown Palm Beach police station gleefully planning her next protest because toilet paper just isn’t what it used to be. Friend Lamont would flash his Human Ecology Squad badge and announce that LC had to come with him.

She would be banished to a remote island in Caribbean with a giant wall around it where she could smear bananas on anything she wants to smear banana on. But, most importantly, she would be away from the rest of us normal, non-banana smearing citizenry.

Thank you, Human Ecology Squad…thank you for all you do!

That is all!
 
 

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