Special Tuesday night post - Mr. Robin, he be on a rant! Takes on Oklahoma lawmakers for fake laws...jackbooted thugs on United Airlines...and, confused press secretaries.

Hey there! Pardon me! Is anyone listening?

Is it just me, or has the entire world, as we know it gone completely, irretrievably, stupidly insane?

Where to start? Where, oh, where indeed.

I know, let’s start with an all-time favorite for me. That last bastion of mediocrity and woeful stupidity…the Oklahoma State Legislature.

If you live outside Oklahoma, hang around, I’m just getting started. Ya’ll are next.

So, let’s see…the Oklahoma Legislature in a move that rivals even its worst days has seen fit to pull state funding for science and/or technology fairs. What’s next, the death penalty (no wait, you can’t get that right either) for kids who want to be in band?

Now, I know there are those of you sitting there reading this and thinking, “Hey, Dumbass (that would be me), why should the state of Oklahoma pay for dumb old science fairs anyway?”

A very good question my Neanderthal friend! Let’s start with science and technology fairs have a way of helping school age children find their way to critical thinking, WHICH IS SOMETHING THAT IS WHOLLY LACKING IN THE MAJORITY OF THIS STATE’S POPULACE! In fact, if you have to think about what the term critical thinking means, go away…don’t read this stupid blog anymore.

By tapping those kids’ competitive nature in something as seemingly pedestrian as a science fair, you’re encouraging them to explore possibilities in areas of science and technology that contribute to the betterment of all of us.

But, not in Oklahoma. We’ve raised and continue to breed a state rife with morons, who lack a basic understanding of the world around them. I will grant you, there are exceptions. There are very bright kids out there, but not enough of them.

Instead, we’re saddled with the morons of North Lincoln Blvd who prefer to wage war on (education) science and who can’t see the forest for trees BECAUSE THEY’RE LITERALLY ALSO THREATENING TO CLOSE DOWN THE STATE PARKS.

Enough! Vote these people out of office. Otherwise, this great state is doomed!

Next.

United Airlines…judas priest…what were you people thinking? Seriously. Even if the 69 year old man was being a jackass (and I’m NOT saying he was, it would piss me off to be forced off a flight to make room for airline employees), but you have a public information crisis of HUGE proportions on your hands. And, what do you do? You let your CEO get on TV saying how wonderfully his flight crew handled that situation.

Dear CEO Jackass, did you see the video of the poor guy with blood streaming down his face? Obviously, you didn’t take time out from your very special gourmet breakfast served on a golden plate while seated at your mahogany desk that morning to watch it before you made your statement.

How do we know this?

Oh, let’s see…maybe it’s because less than 24 hours after your faux pas, you issued a statement saying how deplorably that poor man was treated.

Guess what, Dipsh*t…it’s too f&^%ing late! Them chickens have done come home to roost – and not on your golden plate.

Not your fault, you say? You’re in charge. Everything that happens on your watch is your responsibility. End of discussion.

You sir, should be fired.

Next!

(sigh) I think everyone knew Sean Spicer was in over his head as soon as Melissa McCarthy started doing him on SNL. Once SNL begins pounding on you, Pal, it’s all over.

Here’s a suggestion, Fool. Shut up. Just STFU. Don’t start trying to explain what you already tried to explain in answer to the idiot media’s question about what the f$#k you said in the first place.

(I’m whispering now) It’s a trap! Run!

So, Spicy, as he’s known throughout the office, starts trying to make the case for what an evil rat bastard Bashar Assad is (oh, he truly is). In the words of the late, great Sam Kinison (RIP), I hope Assad’s hell comes in the form of being run over by a gasoline truck, dragged four blocks, and has to taste his own blood.

But, I digress.

In what I’m sure Spicy saw as a great analogy (in a moment of panic), he decided to point out that Hitler (definitely at the top of the all-time evil human beings list) wasn’t nearly as bad as Assad because he “never gassed his own people.” (Sound of a pin dropping a mile away)

At that point, I think one of the helpful media (speaking of rat bastards) gently pointed out that – ironically – today was the start of Passover.

After I heard him say that, I actually had to keep hitting rewind to make sure I was hearing what I thought I was hearing. I knew I must surely be mistaken.

But, you know what, you could see it in his eyes as soon as he realized what he did. Seriously, find the clip and play it back. There’s a point where it sinks into his thick skull what he just said…his eyes get huge and he begins trying to defend his statement.

Not happening.

The job of WH press secretary sucks. It’s horrible. I wouldn’t do that for anything. Maybe United Airlines will hire him as press relations consultant.

So, hopefully you see what I’m saying? The world is going completely insane and it’s beginning to be painful to watch. I’m moving to Oklahoma…no wait, I’m already here! DOH! And, people wonder why I drink.

That is all.