Special Sunday edition of CCB...keen political analysis (snort) contained herein! No, really!

Hey everybody, welcome to a special Sunday edition of Cosmic City Blog.

You know, the Democratic field for 2020 is beginning to get kind of cluttered. With 29 either declared/undeclared/very interested/just wants to be on a list, it’s getting to be confusing to keep up with who is whom.

The Washington Post earlier today published their list of the top 15 Dems in the hunt for the job. We here at CCB thought we would report that list and add a bit of snarkish commentary (read as, keen political insights) to it where we can. After all, that’s why you keep coming back here, right?

We’ll count down:

#15 – Former Attorney General Eric Holder, Jr. – Hmmm. You know the first thing that comes to mind is that my gift for sizing up people I’ve never met tells me Holder is a smart and decent guy. Or is he? Why would a smart guy even want that stupid job? Run Holder run…away from the White House.

#14 – Former Virginia Governor Terry McAuliffe – Now here’s a guy I have actually met. He’s a rare form of Dem, a fiscal conservative. He’s also expressed concern that the Democratic party is beginning to lean back to the left after several years of moderate noise. My only issue with him are his ties to the Clinton Gang.

#13 – Washington Governor Jay Inslee – I was on a flight from D.C. to Seattle several years ago. I thought the guy next to me looked kind of familiar, but I couldn’t place him. At the time, I was reading Hunter Thompson’s book, “Kingdom of Fear” about the regime of King George II (George W.) and their mad gang of D.C. thugs. Then-Congressman Inslee struck up a conversation with me about the Bush administration and the state of things in America. From what I’ve seen to this point, I’m not sure he’d be an effective president…there are a lot of Washington state citizens angry with the way he’s handled things there and even the Democratic party isn’t thrilled with him. Sit this one out, Jay.

#12 – Former HUD Secretary Julian Castro – Another hmmm. Up to this point, he hasn’t said much in terms of policy except that he is the “antithesis” of Trump. Not sure there’s anyone in America right now who ISN’T the antithesis of Trump. Do some thinking, buddy.

#11 – Hillary F-ing Clinton (hint: I’m not a fan) – Another of the 2020s I’ve met (shudder). If Julian Castro is the antithesis of anything, Queen Hillary is the antichrist…just sayin’.

#10 – Former New York mayor Michael Bloomberg – Doesn’t he have something better to do? Seriously, the last thing we need is another (supposed) billionaire running the country. He’s been a Republican, he’s been an Independent…now he wants to run as a Dem. Fuhgeddaboudit…please.

#9 – Senator Kirsten Gillibrand – She won reelection to her senate seat by promising (repeatedly) that she would serve out her term if reelected. Now she wants to break that promise and run for president? No thanks. Enough with lying politicians.

#8 – Senator Sherrod Brown – I know, I know…who? Guy has it going on for a Dem, I’ll give him that. He’s pretty moderate and seems to be the darling of the banking sector, big business, and labor. And, he won in a state (Ohio) that Trump carried easily. Whether he would play in a party that is increasingly leaning left is hard to say.

#7 – Senator Amy Klobuchar – This one has gained notoriety this past week from the tales of those staffers who have worked for her and say that she is mean, mean, mean. She is apparently not shy about launching stuff at staffers heads when she’s pissed. There was another anecdote about her eating a salad with a comb and then yelling at a staffer to wash out said comb. Hmmm, she may actually have a shot at unseating Trump, come to think it!

#6 – Former congressman Beto O’Rourke – Dude has the coolest name ever…I’ll give him that. My initial impressions from the campaign he ran against that snake Ted Cruz is that this is a very smart guy. Problem is no one knows where he stands on anything. Hopefully, he’s formulating that now.

#5 – Former vice president Joe Biden – Ugh…’nuff said. Sit down Uncle Joe.

#4 – Senator Cory Booker – This guy swings too far whichever way the wind happens to blow that day. That makes me nervous. Go back to Jersey, sir.

#3 – Senator Elizabeth Warren – She’s a smart, reasonable person. Might make a decent president. Not sure I want to listen to Trump pound on her for the next couple of years though. Seriously, Fearless Leader, the whole Pocahontas thing is getting as old as her explanations about the whole DNA thing. Still, she’s a contender.

#2 – Senator Bernie Sanders – Hmmm. I guess WaPo put him at number 2 because no one really believes America is quite ready for a social democracy at this point, though honestly, it wouldn’t be a bad thing (there, I said it). Uncle Bernie has two things going for him…a holdover base that numbers in the hundreds of thousands and an uncanny ability to raise tons of $$$ in a short amount of time. A contender.

#1 – Senator Kamala Harris – I’m beginning to mistrust presidential candidates who don’t seem to have a closet filled with skeletons. Seriously, EVERYBODY has baggage. Maybe I’m not paying close enough attention here. She comes off as very smooth, very smart, and overall very impressive. She may be the one to take Fearless Leader down.

Nah…

Inevitably, the Dems always seem to defeat themselves. Have you ever noticed that? It’s because the party is fractured, split between rabid liberals and fierce moderates that come off like day old Sonic breakfast sandwiches (i.e., soggy and greasy).

So, Fearless Leader, if you or any of your thugs are reading this (someone in the WH apparently does - no seriously) then I’m pretty sure you’re safe. The Dems will self-destruct, you’ll see. In the meantime, you can sit upon your thrown binge-watching vintage game shows, eating copious double cheeseburgers, and playing video golf games. Putz.

That is all!
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