Space Cadet Robin gets all space and time today...we're all going to die! (Though he won't tell us when!)

Happy Wednesday everyone…we’re half-way through another stinking week. Sweet relief in the form of a weekend is at hand. Hang in there. Thhhppppppt!

Okay, enough with the Dale Carnegie cheerleading (act enthusiastic and you’ll BE enthusiastic).

I’m facing a rough day here at The Compound. Cousin Fred’s extradition hearing is today. The State of Colorado wants him to come back to face charges of being a pervert with a video camera in Montezuma (America’s Meanest Town)…oh, and also a charge of his jumping bond and leaving the state.

Truthfully, he was just interviewing possible “talent” for the upcoming “Bigfoot: Naked and Untamed” reality show that we’re planning to shoot there.

So I’m thinking that if they extradite him back to Colorado, it’s where I want him anyway. And, now that Hellkat One’s trailer is nothing more than a still smoldering frame, I have no place for him to stay…at least until the Wife leaves on yet another of her fabulous vacations this week.

I suppose though that if they extradite him back to Colorado, he’ll be in jail and not of much use to me.

Decisions, decisions…

I got my first note from the Francesca who is also in the county jail awaiting extradition back to upstate New York on grand theft charges. Oh, and a jumping bond charge from Oklahoma. She’s taken up the threatening tone that she displayed the first time she was in there.

She’s telling me that without her the production in Colorado will fail. Blah, blah, blah. That Cousin Fred is nothing without her. She also had some choice words for Gigi who long since has become a “dot” on the horizon in her chopped Lexus.
I tell you, it’s not easy being me.

And, maybe none of this really matters anyway after the reading I did yesterday on some new theory being floated out there called, “The Theory of Vacuum Decay”…and, no it doesn’t involve a broken-down Hoover.

Over the years, science has thrown out a lot of time and space sort of theories…all of which ultimately lead to our destruction at some point in the future.

There was the theory of chaos that if you were to explain to someone in the MOST elementary example possible would be a butterfly in South America flapping its wings and causing tornadoes in Kansas.

South American butterflies must die!

No wait - that would set off a swarm of tornadic activity here probably causing Tornado Payne’s head to explode on live television!

Maybe The Trump could devise a plan for the military to pull the wings off butterflies…o’ the humanities!

In the 1990’s I worked with a guy who told me about another scientific theory, an offshoot of chaos, the name of which I don’t recall and have never been able to find anything more about. That theory as he explained it to me was that by doing yard work we’re actually accelerating the ultimate destruction of our planet. No, seriously. And, that things have gone so far now, that even if we all stopped mowing the lawn, it’s too late!

Aaaargh! Damn you Snapper!

That theory, as I recall, had to do with everything in nature being part of something larger than Cosmic City’s lawn police who will beat you about neck and shoulders if your lawn isn’t up to their standards. Yes, you heard correctly…every blade of grass, every weed, all of it are part of a bigger ecological picture. By pulling weeds or spraying the crap out of them with the Round-Up and mowing our yards, we’re signing a death warrant for some future generation.

Now, isn’t that nice?

But, wait, there’s more!

So this latest thing I read on the theory of vacuum decay is based in one of the fundamental concepts of the universe that says that all matter moves from a state of high energy to a more stable “ground” state of lower energy (called the Higgs field).

Vacuum decay theorists aren’t so certain that the stable ground state of lower energy is as stable as previously thought – that there may be a hidden amount of energy waiting to be released. With the right boost to cause its release would set off a chain reaction that essentially manifests itself into the off-switch for the universe. And, it’s not reversible once things are set in motion.

These theorists have put all this into a computer and modeled a simulation that points to the ultimate destruction of the universe.

We’ll never see it coming.

So go out and max your credit cards! Eat a pound of bacon every morning. Nothing on your menu but smoked ribs! No wait, don’t get carried away.  There’s no predicting when or even if this will actually happen.

When you couple this with a theory put forth by astronomical theorists last month that the universe is much larger (huuuuuge to quote The Trump) than previously believed (it doesn’t contain billions of galaxies as previously thought, but actually contains trillions of galaxies) the sheer size and shape of the universe is enough to give you headache thinking about it.

Makes a case for legal marijuana, don’t you think?

Please note that I compressed pages of information into about one paragraph above. To learn more, Google vacuum decay…drink yourself into a stupor and tie yourself to the chair.

We’re all going to die!

That is all.

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