So, like, the dudes at Pioneer Internet and DISH TV are completely, like, bogus and probably keep pythons in their tool boxes.

Good morning everybody, welcome to a special Monday edition of CCB. Why so special, you ask? It’s special because I was able to drag my tired old ass out of bed and to the computer this morning, that’s why.

I’m further troubled this morning because we have no internet here at The Compound. When you live such that the repair people at Pioneer Internet know you by name and you know their names and life histories, they’re at your house too much. Our losing internet here has become a near weekly occurrence.

Fear not friends, I’m able to turn my iPhone into a hotspot and get this blog published.

It was a great weekend here. I got to try out my new smoker on Saturday and smoke a pork butt (aka, pork shoulder, Boston butt). It turned out great. Took the resulting pulled pork over to my sister’s house where we had a little party in honor of Father’s Day.

Yesterday, I was out on the motorcycle for an extended period of time in the morning. Wanted to make it home before the day got too hot.

Yes, sir…all in all a great weekend, well, at least until I got up this morning to discover that our Pioneer broadband is down again. So as I was preparing for this morning’s posting using my cell phone as a hot spot, I came across an article on the KFOR web site.

All of you have probably heard about this by now, I wouldn’t know since WE DON’T GET KFOR (CHANNEL 4) RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THEY’RE FEUDING WITH DISH TV (OUR PROVIDER).

Rat bastards! But I digress…

It turns out that CCB is prescient. People sometimes give me crap for whining too much about snakes and stuff that go bump in the night. I do that for a reason, people! There’s plenty to whine about as it turns out.

And for those of you who are unable to look up the prescient because YOUR INTERNET IS OUT ALSO, I’ll save you the aggravation. It’s a fancy way of saying that we at CCB can predict stuff before it happens…sort of.

It seems that down in Cement, OK (a bit south of Anadarko – bet you couldn’t access online maps either what with your internet being out) a 15 year old kid heard his dog barking fiercely out in the yard. He went out to see what the matter was and found a snake…not just any snake mind you…a 14-foot python.

Python? In Cement, Oklahoma? How the hell does that happen? All very good questions likely without an answer. The snake is now dead…AS ALL SNAKES SHOULD BE.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself here.

This is the actual conversation between father and son as recounted by said 15 year old to the KFOR team in Cement (they have nothing else to do what DISH TV taking them off air).

“I like come outside, and the snake is like literally slithering in our yard, and I’m like, ‘Oh, no, this is a dream.’ So, I shut the door and open it back up, and it’s for sure not a dream. So, I go tell my dad.”

“My dad was like, ‘Hey, just go get the shovel’ and I was like, ‘No, we need the gun. Like, this is a huge snake.’ I didn’t know how long it was at the time, but I knew it was big enough to like eat someone, you know?”

So, like the kid and his dad like shot the friggin’ snake and then buried it. Following my sound advice on this sort thing, Shoot, Shovel, and Shut-up. Except like they forgot the shut-up part cuz like KFOR broadcast the details. Of course, no one heard the broadcast BECAUSE DISH TV IS NOT ALLOWING US TO WATCH KFOR.

So, like back to the prescient part…heretofore, python’s in North America were limited to the Florida Everglades where people have been releasing pet pythons that got too big to handle. Now they’re breeding and doing very well in FLA. Well, there were also the pythons on retainer out in CA where former 70’s rock stars keep them hoping to go out on tour again.

And, so, like now, they’re here among us and probably moving northwest. It’s only a matter of days before we’re shootin’ and shovelin’ dead pythons here at The Compound (note to self, buy more ammo).

All blog readers within our readable area, please note to check your toilet before you sit down, lest you wind up like the poor chap from Thailand we at CCB posted about a few weeks ago who sat down on his toilet, minding his own business when a python in the toilet managed to snag the bait dangling between his legs. Just sayin’!

Actually, I wonder how many 14 foot pythons it would take to make a nice pair of knee-high python boots? That way I can spend the remainder of summer touring Ramada Inn lounges doing my Alice Cooper show. That way I don’t have to live out the summer here during the Year of the Python! We’re all gonna die!

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