Smoke on the Water...Lake Mountebank is back...gigolos have gone...subpoenas are us...we're back!

Yeah, yeah…we’re back. You know, it’s been more than two weeks since I last posted to this blog and yet you people keep coming to the site.

In fact, the numbers of visitors to the site while we were away are better than they were when we were posting. What the hell does that mean? I keep fantasizing that it’s some rich web publisher who will syndicate this stupid blog and pay me a pittance to write it on a daily basis. Well, at least it would be better than what I’m getting paid now…zero!

Actually, I went quiet as our Clustering of Gigolos Music Festival neared. It’s come, it’s gone…I’m never doing that again. I’m still daily collecting summonses and subpoenas at the gate to The Compound…all resulting from that damned music festival.

Where to start? Well first of all, I’m happy to report that the Gathering of the Juggalos festival in OKC was something of a flop. Reportedly, there were more cops than Juggalos in attendance…there was no nudity allowed and no drugs either. What kind of a state is this that won’t let Juggalos be Juggalos? Those Juggalos who did attend are encouraging Insane Clown Posse to move the festival back to Ohio, where every day is just another Gathering of Juggalos.

For our festival, I figured if we could get 10 Gigolos to show up the Gigolo-to-cop ratio would definitely tip in favor of Gigolos. We never even got to 10 people who actually bought tickets. Cousin Fred had passed out about 100 free passes to his closest “friends”…mostly people who hang out at that sketchy bar he frequents downtown.

Still, we put on a show and I guess you could call it a success. It was certainly spectacular. Cousin Fred and I got into a bit of a tiff when I realized that we would lose our collective ass on this fiasco. So, he stomped off to continue hand digging the pit that he was convinced (by Gigi, the hairdressing hydrologist) would end with the discovery of an artesian well.

Well, lo and behold…it happened. In the middle of one of the mid-afternoon sets, Cousin Fred hit water…under pressure. Water came up fast and overflowed into the middle of the crowd area watching the festival…fortunately, it wasn’t much of a crowd.
Thank goodness everyone was able to make it to higher ground, which was the festival stage, but again, it wasn’t much of a crowd so there was plenty of room for everyone.

The sudden deluge of water however rolled Mr. Kim’s RV over, which of course contained a huge bladder full of Mr. Kim’s Korean Plum Wine Hooch. The bladder burst mixing the hooch with the water from the artesian well.

The onrushing mixture next tipped Sadie Bunsucker’s food truck, which was parked too close to the RV. The pilot light of one of the cookers touched off the alcohol-laden water causing a direct line of fire back to the RV where the remaining alcohol in the bladder exploded.

Guess some of the Gigolos on the stage thought all the fire and explosions were part of the show. People were jumping and dancing around. The Fargo Volunteer Fire Department made a valiant effort to come this way, but their biggest rig broke down about a mile away. After about 20 minutes, the low area where the crowd had been was a flaming lake.

The band broke into “Smoke on the Water.” The Gigolos on stage went wild.
Just another day in rock n’ roll I figure.

So, about a week later, the new Lake Mountebank has reached a state of equilibrium. It’s as full as it can get and will likely never go down with an artesian well feeding it. We’ve turned the stage from the music festival into a dock. Cousin Fred and I like to sit up there in the afternoon and contemplate the meaning of life while sipping martinis and reviewing how our lives have gone so wrong.

It can only get worse!

That is all!
 

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