Shameless Hillbilly Hucksters Hawking Housewares and Hardware to Other Hillbillies R Us!

Friends, as you well know, we at CCB almost never use space in this blog for product endorsements. We prefer to maintain a certain element of decorum and class. Product endorsements, in our humble opinion, simply reduce us to a bunch of hillbilly hucksters hawking housewares and hardware to other hillbillies. This is not the image we at CCB wish to portray. No, sir!

Oh, sure, back in November of 2015, we told you about the company in Hong Kong that was selling packaged horse sh*t. Those wacky Hong Kongers would ship via Fedex to anywhere in the world.  Hmmmm…I wonder if they’re still in business?

Sweet jumpin’ jeosophat! They are! They are still in business! Here’s the web site. Tell ‘em CCB sent you! Oh, and they have a newsletter! Isn’t that nice? You gotta love free enterprise from a semi-autonomous, quasi-commie province…you know?

But, I digress…we’re here today to discuss the latest CCB product endorsement and it has nothing to do with poo…maybe.

It seems there is a woman in North Carolina, whose state motto translated from the Latin is “Land of Homegrown Whiskey and Smoked Pulled Pork,” who, while working on a formula for bug repellant, accidentally discovered a Bigfoot attractant. Interesting…hmmmmmm.

She calls her product…are you ready for this…Bigfoot Juice. And, in August of this year, it led to an actual Bigfoot sighting by her husband who is a member of a Bigfoot seeking group known as Bigfoot 911.  

It seems that our Concoctress had developed a homemade formula for bug spray. But her husband, we’ll call him Bigfoot Bwana, said it was too feminine for his olfactory taste and could she make it more manly smelling. She reportedly adjusted the mixture of ingredients and…voila...Bigfoot Juice!

For a mere $7 per bottle, you too can attract a Bigfoot from a 1.5-mile radius. Said Concoctress makes that actual claim. She wouldn’t state that if it weren’t true…right?
This isn’t said Concoctress’ first rodeo! She also made a doggie deodorant she calls, Stinky Dog Spray. You gotta love the way she gets right to the heart of things with her product names. There’s no Leaping Canine Parfume here…nope. Your damn dog stinks, you need spray.

When questioned by a reporter from a Charlotte paper as to how she knows Bigfoot Juice works, our Concoctress responded, “How do you know it doesn’t?”
Well put, Concoctress, well put.

At that point, she pointed (point to pointed, see what I did there?) out the sighting by Bigfoot Bwana allegedly brought on by his wearing Bigfoot Juice. He even wrote an official report of the sighting, part of which reads, “…[found] a large bipedal animal covered in fur.”

There you have it folks. These North Carolina Bigfoot hunters/seekers wouldn’t file an official report unless it was the real deal. KnowhutImean?

Now, I know some of you are asking, “But, Mr. Robin, there ain’t no Bigfoots (Bigfeet?) in Oklahoma. Why are you wasting valuable blog space on Bigfoot Juice?”

Good question, earnest reader. As you know, we at CCB have long been involved in the hunt for a legendary Bigfoot (Disappearus Bigfootus Erectus). There was that show we produced for the Viceland Channel, “Bigfoot: Naked and Untamed”, of which we’re still on the hook for another 12 episodes (we’re trying to talk some of the “Real” Housewives of Wherever to be participants).

Plus, Cousin Fred and I are adventurers of a sort. We’re always looking for some new trouble to drop ourselves into. Being known as the Badger Bwana of the Southern Plains doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as Bigfoot Bwana. Am I right?

So far, the only sightings of Bigfoot in the great state of Oklahoma have been down in the southeast part of the state. People down there are trying to get one of them to run for the state legislature, figuring they would be less idiotic than the morons we currently have serving us.

Our plan (Cousin Fred and I) is to get some Bigfoot Juice, douse ourselves with it and see if we can’t attract a Bigfoot up this way! I know, genius right?

We’re ordering today. We’ll report on the progress. Aren’t you glad you read this nonsense?

That is all!

 

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