Send in the clowns...there ought to be clowns

Well, things have reached a sort of oddball equilibrium here at The Compound. Or, maybe I should say that we’ve come to a new definition of normal. Nah, that’s not it, there’s nothing normal about life here at The Compound.

The Francesca has taken over the nursing duties with regard to Cousin Fred. That’s not a bad thing. After all, it could be worse, it could be me.

The herd of attorneys waiting out on the road to sign Cousin Fred as a client has dwindled now to about four. Basically, the four attorneys in Cosmic City without any prospects whatsoever. Let the pen clicking continue!

I got a look inside the Mobile Mutt Rescue Unit. Very posh. There is a complete animal surgical suite located just past where the driver sits. That takes up about one-third of the interior space. The rest is set aside as quarters for the vet. I guess it’s in case he or she has to travel or is taking care of cattle way out in the country or something.

I asked The Francesca where she went to vet school. I soon learned that she isn’t actually a vet, but works as a veterinary assistant for some big-time vet in New York State.

Wow, a vet assistant and she’s driving a $200,000 RV-cum-surgical-suite? I thought about saying something, but decided it wasn’t my business. Cousin Fred seems very happy and has slowed down on his consumption of synthetic opioids. Even the Wife seems to have taken a liking to the Francesca.

Yesterday afternoon they were both up on the front porch chain smoking filterless Pall Malls and finishing the bottle of Fightin’ Cock Whisky as Cousin Fred sat in a wheelchair soaking up some sun. Once that was bottle was gone, the Francesca went back over to the RV and came out with a bottle of Old Crow (shudder). The two of them went back to drinking and cackling about something.

Okay, I’ll admit it, there’s something rather unsettling about the Francesca. I can’t quite put my finger on it. When I asked her how long she had been a veterinary assistant, she told me only nine months. Prior to that she worked as a storefront psychic in Brooklyn.

That’s when I got really nervous. I hate psychics. They creep me out. But, again, everyone seems pleased with her, save for me.

Friends, have you noticed that everything in the world is just getting increasingly insane? You haven’t? Well, you have only to look at the mess here at The Compound to gain some insight into the chaos and general dumbassosity going on in the world. Yes, I’m saying that this blog reflects the lunacy around all of us. That’s what a shrink would call “projecting”…or maybe narcissism since, upon re-reading what I just wrote, it seems that the world revolves around me. Hmmmmmmm.

But I digress…Let us cite some examples of the craziness around us, shall we?

First up, there was general panic at LAX (the airport, not the laxative – although I suppose under certain conditions that could cause its own special panic) when FALSE rumors spread of an active shooter roaming one of the terminals. LAPD (the police, not a Pomeranian rapper) jumped into action. In the middle of scouring the terminal in search of a nut with a gun, the cops find a dude with a plastic sword dressed as Zorro sitting on the curb. The police (with weapons drawn) swarmed the guy. Why not? You’re on the hunt for a lunatic shooter inside an airport and find a lunatic actor dressed as an 18th century fictional character – that’s probable cause to at least Taser him! This is why I’m not a cop (well, one of several reasons). Turns out he was just some broked**k actor waiting for a ride. The cops let him go.

Next, let’s pretend you’re a fugitive on the run. If you really are a fugitive on the run, you should definitely read this. But, for most of us, let’s pretend. You’re on the run, the cops are hunting you down (or attempting to) and put your mugshot on the evening news. Now let’s pretend that you’re so ate up with yourself that you don’t find that mugshot particularly flattering. So via social media you go public asking the media to not use that photo and offer up a much better (in your humble aesthetic opinion) pic of yourself (if you’re Anthony Weiner maybe it’s a pic of your…well, you know). That’s what happened when a young woman in Australia managed to escape from a jail that she was being checked into. The cops put up the mugshot of her (that they had just taken) on the evening news. Said alleged escapee simply hated the photo and via Facebook tried to get the media to use a different pic. Her post with the better photo was “Can you use this photo please, and thank you. Yours truly Amy Sharp XX.” She included an emoji with a smiling face and a halo above her head. Cops didn’t buy the whole haloed emoji thing and the newer, better photo led to her being found and arrested near where she escaped.

Finally, there has been an outbreak of random clowns hanging around an apartment complex in South Carolina. CCB recently reported on the appearance of Gags the Clown walking around Green Bay, Wisconsin late at night scaring the crap out of people. Now this, in SC…there are reports from children living in the complex that the clowns come out from the surrounding woods and attempt to lure children into the woods. There are reports from adults of a clown with a blinking nose hanging around the outside of the apartment complex late at night. One adult clown-spotter claims that she waved to the clown…and the clown WAVED BACK! Creepy stuff! Police responding to the reports have not yet found any clowns (send in the clowns!). Maybe they’ll get lucky and the clowns will start posting to social media.

So there you have examples of how the world is going to hell in a hurry this summer.  Maybe all the nonsense caused by the presidential election cycle this year is fomenting an increased level of stupidity, depravity and chaos. Who knows? All, I know is that if the Francesca shows up at the door some night wearing a clown outfit, I’m out of here!
 

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