 Yeah, yeah, it’s Monday…get over it…get to work…the hangover will improve after lunch. You’ll see. It was a relatively quiet weekend here at The Compound, the only real disturbance was me yelling at the TV as the Washington Nationals fell further and further behind the Marlins yesterday. They wound up splitting the four-game series, but they’re now 6.0 games behind Philadelphia in the National League East. It’s not looking good, sports fans, their hearts just don’t seem to be in it this year. Thank heavens college football is just around the corner! Cousin Fred is talking about rebuilding the Cabinet Saloon replication out on the north lawn. I pointed out to him that to this point, every structure or semi-structure (e.g., Hellkat One’s Trailer) has burned to the ground. We don’t even have the original building plans, they burned up in the Cab during the fire caused by overly zealous law enforcement. Cousin Fred seems to think he can get a grant to fund the reconstruction since we’re talking about the replication of a historic building. Hmmmm. Speaking of delusional, there were also The Trump tweets this weekend. He was keeping his thumbs busy as he swung his rusty axe at anyone within reach. The most puzzling tweet came with the claim that his poll numbers exceed those of Abraham Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln? I’m pretty sure they didn’t start keeping those numbers until sometime after FDR. That was kind of a stupid thing to say. Oh…I get it…he was making a joke! Hahahahaha…huh? The rest of my weekend was taken up with calling around to school superintendents around the state to take a poll of my own. I might not have undertaken the effort if I’d known what a job it would be. Did you know there are 541 school superintendents in the state of Oklahoma? Seriously. That’s a heap of administrators, most of whom hung up on me. A few screamed at me to leave them alone. 217 got emergency no-contact orders from a judge. And, three actually responded to my poll. I’m pleased to report that of those three, none has ever pooped on their high school football field. Of course, we don’t know about the other 538, but I think we’re seeing a positive trend here. What nonsense do I speak of today, you ask? Well, did you hear about the school superintendent up in New Jersey who was arrested on a variety of charges including public defecation, lewdness, and my personal favorite, littering. The media is already calling him the school pooperintendent…oh, that media, just a bunch of knuckleheads, am I right? For our purposes, we’ll call him Pooperstar. Last Thursday, Pooperstar submitted his resignation to the school board saying that his continued service to the school district has become a distraction…you think, genius? So, it seems that police kept getting calls from the high school administration last spring that someone was defecating on the football field and/or track on a daily basis. The local PD is keeping quiet as to how they caught Pooperstar, maybe they used DNA…nah, doubt a local PD in Jersey would have that capability. Chances are they rolled up on him as he was riding the bus, pinching a loaf, eh, insert your favorite colloquialism here. The resignation doesn’t take effect until the end of September so maybe Pooperstar can find a high school in another district to do his deed until then. Once he’s unemployed and fieldless, maybe he’ll move to a park…”Well, the geese do it!” But wait, there’s more! So now, Pooperstar has filed suit against the local PD for arresting him in the first place. He claims that none of the charges against is sufficiently egregious to warrant a mug shot and fingerprinting. That mugshot (seen above) went viral. He claims he’s innocent (don’t they all) and that local police are just trying to frame him. Yeah, that’s the ticket! “I was framed, I’m tellin’ ya. Framed!” So, there you have it. Further evidence of the decline of western civilization. My advice: stay the hell out of New Jersey and watch where you walk on football fields everywhere. There are 538 suspicious superintendents around the state! That is all! Comments are closed.
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