Robin Tucks Harold Hamm into Bed and Exposes a Secret Plot by the Federal Government to Dig Tunnels to California, Florida, and Texas!

Hey, let me tell you something, I’m as paranoid as the next guy (like the guy sitting in the black sedan just a quarter mile down the road from the compound).  I have proficient fluency with conspiracy theorist speak. 

Just in case, you’ve not been paying attention, Wal-Mart recently closed five stores around the country and laid off 2,200 employees.  The official reason for the closings was “plumbing problems”…hmmmm.  This first came to the attention of CCB via a Tulsa World report that only offered a two-paragraph teaser unless you paid for a subscription.  I’ll bet the Tulsa World is in cahoots with Wal-Mart.

CCB launched its own investigation to get to the bottom of what’s really going on with the Wal-Mart closures.  After some serious and dedicated research, we came upon a story on the Business Insider web site that shed a bit more light on the grand plan being perpetrated by Wal-Mart and the U.S. GOVERNMENT.

Apparently, no one from Wal-Mart has filed for building permits to make renovations to the stores’ plumbing.  Not so much as a permit to plunge a toilet!  What does that tell you?  Also, we have subject matter experts in the field of plumbing on staff at CCB – the wife is always trying to force something down the pipes here at the compound.  The CCB SMEs tell me there isn’t a plumbing job in the world that would take six months to complete. 

The closed stores are located in: Pico Rivera, California; Brandon, Florida; Midland, Texas; Livingston, Texas (you know what happened there last year, don’t you?); and, Tulsa, OKLAHOMA.  WTF…Oklahoma?  We’re up to our eyeballs in the U.S. Government’s secret plot to imprison all of us?  What imprison...what secret plot, you ask?  Ohhhh, read on Brothers and Sisters, read on – but first check out your front window to make certain a horde of heavily armed jack-booted thugs aren’t stealthily creeping across your front lawn to prevent you from learning the truth!  

News was leaked from the Pentagon a couple of weeks ago about a supposed special forces “exercise” taking place this summer in which the U.S. constitution will be suspended and martial law will be declared.  Oh sure, the Washington Post tells us not to worry about Jade Helm 15, the working name for the “exercise”, but that only makes me more paranoid (would you trust the Washington Post?). 

So according to the theory, Jade Helm 15 will round up Americans and use the empty Wal-Marts as processing centers.  I’ve even seen snippets on the Internet that say the military is burrowing tunnels to connect the Wal-Marts and that they will confine people to those tunnels (did you ever see the 50’s sci-fi flick, “The Mole People”?).  Think that tunneling technology doesn’t exist?  Think again, people!

Hell, maybe that’s the source of all the earthquakes in Oklahoma…the tunnels being dug from the Tulsa Wal-Mart to Wal-Marts in Texas and California.  The oil and gas sector is off the hook!  That’ll make the morons on Lincoln Avenue happy (they can spend their charitable donations from their “benefactors” in oil/gas).   Oh, and I’m sure Harold Hamm (the King of Frack You!) will get a good night’s sleep.

But, I digress…

You’re probably saying to yourself, “But, Robin, all of this is known…we already read about it on the Internet a week ago.  Everybody knows this stuff.”

Uh huh, BUT the piece you’re missing is what we at CCB uncovered during our own in-depth, stone-turning investigation.   During a late night in-depth analysis session – okay, actually we were passing around a bottle of Mezcal to see who could get to the worm first (spoiler alert: it was Guido, the CCB Italian translator and former Carabinieri who got the worm – he’s a savage when it comes to Mezcal!).  That’s when it hit me!

I began drawing lines to connect the various points on a map that marked the locations of the closed Wal-Marts.  Then it all fell into place.  I had drawn the perfect outline of a Phillips flat-head #10 wood screw…get it?

As a subject matter expert on bugging out, my recommendation is to go south on I-35.  Be sure to give an Oklahoma howdy to Mike Morgan (aka, Happy Hands) if you see him on the road.  Me?  I'm headed to Kansas.