Robin Solves the Oklahoma GOP's Problems...

It’s been just glorious here at the compound with all the rain we’ve received over the past few days.  The rainfall, combined with relatively cool temps, has transformed this ground into something of an oasis.  In fact, I stocked the big puddle next to the house with trout yesterday.  I took my favorite fish-pointing dog, Sooner, out with me this morning for a bit of fly-fishing.   Fresh trout is good eatin’ around here.  The wife doesn’t like the trout’s head still on with an eyeball staring at her, but I’ve learned to take care of that. 

As I was working my brand new Sage VXP fly rod with the wind at my back this morning, I kept thinking about yesterday’s CCB post regarding the dire fiscal dilemma the Oklahoma GOP finds itself in and realized that my post hadn’t really offered a solution.  As our dedicated followers (all none of you) well know, I’m a problem solver…particularly when it comes to helping out the Oklahoma GOP.  So, I decided to utilize some of our vast resources here at CCB and put our analysts work on finding a viable solution. 

The analysts came across a couple of articles that may provide some insight.

First up, was a story from the NewsOK web site about Willie Nelson the legendary American icon who has never rolled a joint that he didn’t light.  Willie, it seems, is in the research and development stage of a rolling out (pun intended) his own brand of marijuana cigarettes.  Tentatively called “Willie’s Reserve”, the brand will be grown and sold in Washington and Colorado, the two states that currently allow recreational marijuana use.  Oregon, Alaska, and the District of Columbia have removed legal restrictions on pot use and will likely vote on legalization soon.

I know you’re all scratching your head and thinking, “But, Robin, how does Willie Nelson’s entrepreneurial promotion of pot-ag aid the Oklahoma GOP when you know full well that the Oklahoma Republican Party (whose motto translated from the Latin is, “We know what’s best for you!”) will do everything it can to keep the devil weed out of the hands of its tax-paying, hard-working constituents?” 

You are asking that, right?

It’s simple.  First of all, the state itself will reap mucho tax revenues from the controlled sale of marijuana, which is never a bad thing.  Increased tax revenues allow the Republican-controlled state to push more of their agenda, which the party-faithful will certainly delight in.  If the GOP appears to be 420-friendly (see how hip I am?), more Oklahomans are likely to gravitate toward the Republican Party and become Minute Man donators or even Elephant Club members, thus raising the party’s favorable exposure in the state and adding to their booty…booty of cash, that is.

I know, I know.  Now you’re saying, “But, Robin, we can’t even get the Republican controlled legislature to allow the sale of wine or high-point beer (aka, real beer) in grocery stores.  Do you think they would actually pass legislation to legalize recreational marijuana?”

Do I have to do everything for you people?  It’s time to rise up and take control of the state legislature.  Replace that bunch of bat-shit crazies on Lincoln Avenue with people like me (by the way, I don’t want the job)!  Stand up and be counted!  Ummm…if by chance you’re headed to Kansas on a beer run, could you please get me a case of Stella Artois? 

The other suggestion we at CCB have for improving the cigar-box-petty-cash slush fund of the Oklahoma GOP (and they’re really going to hate this one) comes from yet another article found on the NewsOK web site (whose motto translated from the Latin is, “We’re soooo past the Gaylords”) that indicated that undocumented immigrants here in Oklahoma pay about $76 million in state and local taxes…$76 MILLION…that’s not pocket change!   

I realize that Republicans getting friendly with undocumented immigrants is even more unlikely than Her Royal Highness Mary of Fallin hosting an It’s-420-Somewhere-In-The-World party at the Governor’s Mansion.  Still, maybe, just maybe if the party rhetoric regarding undocumented workers was just a bit less vitriolic perhaps the GOP would have more card-carrying Republicans contributing to the Ten Commandments Everywhere Fund.  Just sayin’.

Our disbarred and disgraced former attorney spokesperson insisted on publishing the following disclaimer:  We at CCB do not condone the use of dogs to point trout in rain puddles.  We also do not condone nor recommend the playing of Willie Nelson tunes while changing the tires on your rider lawnmower.  Further, CCB feels that Belgian lager is overrated and would never ask anyone to drive some back from Kansas…even though it's cheaper there, you know.