Riding the Big Square...subpoenas on your doorstep...Costco will rule the world...TGIF

Happy Friday everyone. Hope you’ve found some measure of peace now that the days of horrific winds have passed…for now.

Me, not so much.

There’s been much spirited debate around The Compound the last couple of days. The subject of debate has, of course, been over the hook for our new ghost hunting pilot that we’re about to produce.
Cousin Fred, as always, wants to have naked ghost hunters. I then, as always, point out that it’s already been done…by us!

Friend Lamont, who arrived from west Arkansas the other day with a mountain of video, sound, and editing equipment, thought it might be humorous to use rejects from The Bachelor or The Bachelorette TV shows as ghost hunters.

Cousin Fred then offered that we could have The Bachelor/Bachelorette realitors do our show naked.
Always with the nakedity Cousin Fred, always with the nakedity.

The hairdressing hydrologist Gigi even piped up, suggesting that we use the White House rejects as ghost hunters. In her words, “It’s not like they have anything else to do right now except wait for subpoenas to land on their doorstep.”

Well put, Gigi, well put.

Cousin Fred, of course, suggested having the White House rejects do our show naked. There was silence in the room.

I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Actually, I’m just glad the Wife is away from The Compound for a while. Having her here during these discussions would make them even more stressful what with the Old Crow empties flying at our heads. We’d never get anything done…not that anything is actually getting done now.

Personally, I’m leaning back toward our original idea of the prepper camp here at The Compound. Something I saw online steered me that way.

As those of you located within the borders of Oklahoma probably already know, Costco is coming to Oklahoma City. You’re likely ecstatic about it, am I right?

Now those of you living normal, civilized lives with all the conveniences that the modern 21st century offers (namely, those of you outside of Oklahoma) are probably asking, “Yeah, so?”

Hey, this is a big deal. There’s never been a Costco here. Those of us who moved here from civilization and loved shopping there are soooo looking forward to dropping $200 every visit for things like bundles of 100 pairs of socks for $20 or cellophane-wrapped 50-packs of jumbo jars of peanut butter.

Admit it, you can’t live without all that peanut butter! Just think, you can use it to patch the roads around here because the fascists at ODOT don’t come all the way out west no mo’. By the way, if you’re a biker, stay the hell out of Oklahoma…it’s too dangerous…between the bull haulers that create a vortex equal to an F-25 tornado when they meet you and the hazardous, unfinished road projects around the state, it’s deadly here. I go out to ride the Big Square and come back with pulverized kidneys.

But, I digress…

So, if you think about it, Costco is already kind of a prepper’s paradise. I mean you can go there with a sixteen or eighteen foot trailer and load up on enough supplies to last you probably a year or two or until your products start hitting their expiration dates and you’re consuming 4,000 calories a day in Spaghetti-O’s because there’s only two days left on the shelf life.

“But, Dad, we don’t want any more Spaghetti-O’s…Bobby threw up the last bowl you gave him.”

“Shut up, you little punks! Be grateful you have Spaghetti-O’s to eat. There are children starving in the Washington, DC suburbs who would love to have these Spaghetti-O’s!”

Well, not anymore, you paranoid f**ks! How does shelf life of 25 years sound, or even 30 years? Hell, with any luck you’ll be dead before your freeze-dried beanie-weenies expire. Sound good?

It seems that Costco is entering the prepper food market. Maybe this will finally drive the disgraced holy man out of the business. For $6,000 you too can receive a package from Costco with enough food to feed four people 2,000 calories a day for a year.

And, Costco promises to deliver it in a discreet package. Ummmm, that discreet package weighs in at 1,800 pounds. Who the hell is going to deliver it? Certainly not the UPS people around here who seem to delight in drop kicking stuff onto porches. Discreet? Who cares about discreet? If you’re so certain that life as we know it is going to end anyway, who cares if your neighbors know you’re hoarding freeze-dried food?

We’re all going to die!

That is all!

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