Happy Monday everyone. Hope it was a good weekend for you. Now that the Woodward Elks Rodeo is behind us, I’ve turned my attention to the Thrash Metal Jam Festival near the compound next month.
At the urging of my fellow membership of the Pathetic Order of the Jackrabbit - Original Charter (P.O.J.O.C.), I am considering bringing next month’s event under the auspices of our organization. The membership includes a couple of attorneys who should be able to handle the inevitable lawsuits that result anytime you pack hot sweaty flesh into a venue where music is being played at ear-splitting, migraine-inducing sound levels. What’s that? You’ve not heard of the P.O.J.O.C.? Not surprising really. The first worldwide charter was issued only last month here in Cosmic City (attention Woodward Convention and Visitors Bureau…be sure to add that to your literature about Woodward firsts). Although we’re barely a month old, P.O.J.O.C. already has everything a pathetic order of anything needs to succeed. We have an official secret handshake. We have an official secret greeting. We have an official Latin motto, “Sic Semper Jack” – gotta have an official motto in Latin to be official, you know. We have official meeting headgear…a fur covered cap with two oversized black-tipped ears adorning the top. We have an official widows and orphans fund, which we consistently raid every week to maintain the necessary level of official meeting refreshments. We’re forming official committees with requisite official sub-committees. I’m telling you, P.O.J.O.C. has it all…except an official meeting hall to officially meet in and then rent out for other stuff when we aren’t officially meeting. But, we’re working on getting an official permanent home. We formed the official find a permanent home for P.O.J.O.C. committee just last week. The wife isn’t likely to put up with many more official meetings here at the compound. The mountain of beer cans is growing every week and is getting difficult to hide. So, if you’re interested in joining the Pathetic Order of the Jackrabbit - Original Charter, drop me a line. We aren’t too picky about membership at this point. We aren’t even currently charging dues at this point, though each official member is asked to contribute $10 to the widows and orphans fund. The model we’re using for adding new official membership is to add one member each week who brings enough beer to provide official current members with 3.2 servings each. That’s it…seriously…you show up with 3.2 servings of beer per official member and you’ll receive your Jackrabbit ear cap and official P.O.J.O.C. membership card suitable for laminating. Beyond the 3.2 servings…well…that’s where the widows and orphans fund comes in handy. But, I digress… Speaking of non-exclusive membership… So, over the weekend I saw that Republican front-runner Donald “Moptop” Trump was back in the news for refusing to apologize for comments he made about John McCain’s military service. Even the more radical factions of the GOP seem to be stepping back from his special brand of conservatism (á la Attila the Hun). I keep asking myself how it is that this guy could possibly be leading the pack (the last poll I saw had him in front of the rest of the candidates by a couple of points). I suppose he is striking some chord with an increasingly frustrated American electorate desperate for something other than status quo. As I was planning this posting, I decided to do a little research (always want at least one or two actual real facts in my posts) when I discovered something I did not know. I thought the field of declared Republican presidential candidates was a mere 15 or 16…oh, no, brothers and sisters…it’s actually 33! With another three or four UNDECLARED candidates waiting in the wings to jump out and say, “Here I am! Vote for me!” Well, just as soon as their polltakers tell them it’s okay to do so without looking like a complete jackass. I found a list of the declared Republican presidential candidates on a web site called, 2016 Republican Candidates (an apt name if ever there was one). I won’t waste your valuable time discussing all 33 of the declared candidates…I prefer promoting P.O.J.O.C. membership drives for that. So I thought I would hit on a few of the lesser known candidates…kind of like a lesser prairie chicken if you think about it. We’ll start with Skip Andrews. According to the web site, Candidate Andrews is an “Army child and business owner.” Huh? Army child? Guess he grew up in a military family? Guess that’s supposed to appeal to Veterans? The site also indicates that he tries to please everyone. He is for the legalization of marijuana, but remains a staunch pro-lifer. Wow. Next up is Michael Bickelmeyer, whom the web site lists as a “Creative Dreamer.” Isn’t that special? What the hell does that have to do with anything, I asked myself? But then, I read on…says he has particular disdain for terrorist and drug traffickers (uh huh, okay, don’t we all?) and in fact (I SWEAR I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP) “wants to deploy weapons to fry them from orbit.” QUOTE/UNQUOTE. What the hell does that mean? Moving on… There’s Jack Fellure. This poor guy gets my vote for most persistent candidate. He’s been running as a Republican presidential candidate without fail since 1988. Wonder why you’ve never heard of him? He wants to bring back Prohibition. NEXT! Let’s see who’s next? Ah, Chris Hill, whom the site describes as “a former combat pilot and current airline pilot.” He’s a fellow Gulf War veteran…okay points for that. Oh…here it is. Me thinks Candidate Hill did a few too many high-G maneuvers in his fighter plane…he’s confused about his party affiliation. This guy is for a “living wage”, he’s a big supporter of labor unions, and he also supports gay marriages…none of which is mainstream Republican dogma. Oh, wait, there’s more…he is a big Second Amendment gun rights supporter and does not hesitate to tell anyone who will listen that he went to war to protect those rights! Huh? Really? And I thought we were there to chase Saddam out of Kuwait and keep the (altogether now) OIL flowing. Stupid me. Okay, enough of this nonsense for today. I guess I need to look at how many declared Democrats there are…I’m sure there’s some general buffoonery in the works there too. Eh, maybe tomorrow. Comments are closed.
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