Replicated Ribs, Unindicted Felons, Roamin' Goats, and Mash Potato Faceplants...Smells Like Christmas at the Compound!

Happy start of the work week. It’ll be a short work week for most of us, I suppose. Sounds as though we may have to put the air conditioning back on before it’s all over. Weird, weird weather this year.

Oh, which reminds me…Happy Winter everybody. Today starts the astronomical winter. Aren’t you glad you read this blog? How else would you have known that? The good news is, the days start getting longer until late June when we start the whole process over again.  

Cousin Fred departed the Compound yesterday afternoon to head home to western Arkansas for Christmas. He left with Lassie, the barking goat in the passenger seat up front. It was unclear to me whether he was taking Lassie to Arkansas or making a stop at Hefner Canal where it all started.

When I spoke to him later in the afternoon (he called to get an update on the Pittsburgh score) he was on the south side of Tulsa and headed toward the Arkansas line. Guess that means the two of them by-passed Hefner Canal (by about 100 miles). I kind of figured Lassie, the barking goat was probably destined to become a permanent fixture here at the Compound.

Eh well, his relatives in Arkansas will appreciate Lassie. Probably much more so than the Wife would here.

Spent the better part of Saturday practicing my Rib Ranch Replication rib recipe. Haven’t done those in a long time and since I obligated myself to make a batch for Christmas dinner at the Sister’s house, I figured I’d better make certain I still had the touch.

I do. Actually, I was trying out a different method of cooking them, called the mountain method. It worked just fine though it’s a bit more labor intensive than what I’ve done previously. But, hey, it’s Christmas so why not?

I’m feeling particularly festive this year anyway. It’s the first time I’ve been here in Oklahoma for Christmas since 2005, the year the Sheriff’s Department arrived to break up the melee on the front lawn.

That was the same year that our weird Uncle Carl passed out in his plate of mashed potatoes. Well, at least we thought he passed out (may he rest in peace). Throughout it all, Aunt Tess kept talking to him like nothing was wrong.

Cousin Frankie (aka, Frankie the Fork) is out on parole (he likes to steal people’s silverware – the Sister is planning to use plastic utensils this year) and has announced he will attend. Of course, one of the conditions of his parole is that he not have contact with known felons. This was something of a concern since a very distant cousin, Maple (she’s so sweet), will be here. Technically, Maple hasn’t yet been indicted (the secret Grand Jury reconvenes January 5), let alone convicted, so I’m not sure she actually counts as a known felon. I’m sure it will turn out okay.

I asked the Sister if she wanted to hire an off-duty deputy just to stand by, but she’s pretty certain we can handle internally any riots that break out.
 
Don’t you love family get-togethers?

But enough of my family stuff, how about some happy holiday news? Let’s see there’s a story that KFOR broadcast about a bunch of police down in Georgia who, instead of passing out tickets, gave out $100 bills.

Isn’t that nice? The $100 bills were provided by an anonymous local business person who was moved to act following events in Ferguson and Chicago this year.

The reporter reporting the story (reporter reporting – hate it when I do that) cited one officer who pulled a guy over for a broken taillight. Instead of a ticket, the officer smiled and gave the guy $100. Now isn’t that nice?

Course, the hammerhead with the broken taillight is likely still driving around with a broken taillight and has spent the $100 on booze, cigarettes, and McRib sandwiches (available for a limited time!).

Sorry, I guess my cynicism is showing. Actually, people in authority trying to buy the hearts and minds of the general populace is an old trick…that never works. What happens when people start driving badly in front of police just to get their piece of the $100 pie?

It would never work here in Cosmic City, where according to an insightful investigative report published in the Woodward News last week, the city is facing a huge hole in its budget to the tune of more than $2 million.

I’m certain that once city officials got word that some well-meaning business person was passing out $100 bills to police officers to hand out to the citizens of Cosmic City, the city commission would meet in emergency session to pass an ordinance creating a traffic stop fee. The law would allow officers the privilege of making the lives of people they stop even more miserable by charging them a $100 fee for being stopped on top of whatever fines they can heap on the person.

Such is life on the mean streets of Cosmic City.