Remember Nibiru...it's back...if we aren't obliterated there's the special session of the OK Legislature to look forward to...we're doomed!

Good Thursday morning to you all. You know, it sucks (sometimes) being an Oklahoman. Seriously, it does.

Oh sure, we enjoy wide-open spaces, spectacular sunrises and sunsets, chicken-fried steak smothered in gravy, freshwater lakes, on and on. Of course, offsetting all that joy is the fact that we’re governed by a motley band of morons, perverts, pedophiles, and panderers who claim to know what is best for us. And, they’re led by Her Royal Highness Mary of Fallin who seems to be slowly losing her grip on just about everything.

But, more on that in a second, because…WE”RE ALL GOING TO DIE (again).

So, back in August (oh sweet, August, you seem such a distant, cherished memory), CCB reported on the rogue planet, Nibiru, hurtling (hurtling I’m tellin’ ya) toward Earth and our almost (heavy emphasis on almost) certain doom.

Do you recall that post? No? You people need to read more.

To recap, a wacky “researcher”-cum-numerologist-cum-obscure-Bible-verse-misinterpreter named David Meade predicted the arrival of Nibiru and somehow tied it to the total eclipse. Okay, that didn’t happen, but Numbers (as he’s known to his friends, of which there aren’t a lot) Meade promises that we’re all going to die this Saturday…for sure…he isn’t kidding like he was before.

Meade says Nibiru is sneaking up on us from an oblique angle which is why scientists at NASA using Hubble can’t see anything. Stupid scientists, stupid Hubble.

Oh, and it’s going to crash into the South Pole first…bet that’ll break up that ice shelf those stupid scientists are so worried about.

A team of astronomers at NASA have issued public statements saying there is NO Nibiru…but, what the hell do they know. Oh sure, they point out that at this point, we’d be able to see it approaching Earth with our naked eyeballs. I’ll bet said astronomers just wanted to see if they could get away with using the word naked in a public statement.

WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE! But, hopefully it’ll be after the OU-Baylor game…just sayin’.

One report has it that a reporter in Canada has been trying to reach Meade for comment, but his peeps told her that Numbers isn’t available for interviews until next week. Wait a second…

So assuming that we all don’t die on Saturday…WE’RE NOT GOING TO DIE!...we have the next great cataclysm to deal with. The special session of the Oklahoma Freaking Legislature…you know, that bunch of outlaws in OKC, that state-run welfare society, that…well, you get the idea.

The plan (ho ho, there’s a plan) here is that the legislature will come together to find solutions to fill a HUGE gap in the state budget, develop long-term solutions to avoid problems in the future, fix government inefficiencies (textbook definition of an oxymoron – for morons) and find $$$ to pay teachers.

Sounds so easy right? Uh huh. Well, first of all, those of us in western Oklahoma will be without representation in the Senate following the resignation of Cosmic City’s born-and-raised. But, I’m certain the idiots on the House side will look after our interests. (cough)

Does anyone know what it costs to keep the fools in OKC in OKC and working? I could look it up, but I’m just a lazy blogger. If you know, drop me a line. It’s gotta run into some serious cash.

You know, honestly, I don’t know who would want that job (being a legislator), which is why we wind up with the dregs of Oklahoma society telling us how we should live.

Fools.

So there you have it, a bit of Thursday cheer. If Nibiru don’t get you, the Oklahoma Legislature likely will.

Either way, WE’RE DOOMED…DOOMED I’M TELLING YOU!

Here at The Compound, we’re planning to smoke ribs and pork butt, cook beans, make cole slaw, watch world disintegrate from the south or just have an amazing case of heartburn that will last into early next week. Stop by!

That is all!
 
 

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