Psychos...illicit dissections during public viewings...stealing the shows of the dead...we must be in Tulsa (again), right?

Attention everyone…attention! This is your chief blogger speaking.  We have an announcement to make! No, we aren’t shutting down again for a mental tune-up…this time.

Oh, Happy Friday, by the way.

So, just over two years ago, we dedicated a blog posting to strange goings on in Tulsa where a woman (we called her Psycho Chick) goes into a funeral home and proceeds to carve up a corpse just before the family viewing.

Well they finally convicted the alleged carver and sentenced her sorry ass. Now she’s an official carver.

Ms. Pscycho Chick, she goin’ to jail!

But, that’s not the important news. Oh no! The important news (and brace yourselves, cuz this will be hard for you long time readers to believe) is that we got facts wrong.
I know, right? Now the cynics among you are probably saying to yourself, “But, Mr. Robin, you run a fake news site! You are the Rupert Murdoch of fake news!”

Thpppppppttttt!

But, I digress.

Listen, we’re only fake news repeaters. We can’t possibly make this sh*t up!
So here’s where we got things wrong in the original posting:

1) We said that the deceased (the carvee) was the ex-girlfriend of Psycho Chick’s (carver) current boyfriend. In fact, she (carvee) was the paramour of carver’s HUSBAND.

2) We said that beyond smearing makeup all over carvee’s face and then carving up said painted face and hair, carver stole the shoes from the deceased and then cut off her little toe. In fact, the newest reports say that in addition to the above, she also cut off the deceased woman’s breasts.

Greatcoogleymoogley!

Makes a case for sealed coffins at funerals, me thinks!

But it gets even better! So the photo that the news outlets, at the time, were running of Psycho Chick’s “boyfriend” isn’t even the same guy that the news people are running, today, of her husband. Two completely different dudes. With me so far?

So who the hell is the poor schmuck in the original photos?

This is all so confusing. We got it so wrong.

BUT, you may recall that in my original posting, I said that every news outlet reporting on this was all over the place. I’m guessing Tulsa PD was keeping a tight lid on everything (they’re so careful about that, you know).

Again, greatcoogleymoogley!

For her part, Psycho Chick pleaded not guilty to felony charges that included the unauthorized removal of body parts from a body, larceny from a person (shoes?), knowingly concealing or receiving stolen property (she hid the toe and boobs apparently) and first-degree burglary. First-degree burglary? For stealing boobs, a toe, and shoes from a dead person in a funeral home in front of gathered mourners?

The jury didn’t buy it (they’re tough in Tulsa). They sentenced her to seven years in prison for the first-degree burglary, five years for unlawfully removing a body part from someone who is deceased, two years for knowingly concealing stolen property, one year for unauthorized dissection (that’s my favorite), and one year for disrupting or interrupting a funeral.

Sixteen years in prison Psycho Chick gets. And do you know who is truly to blame for this (and yes, I am making excuses for Psycho Chick)? Her Royal Highness Mary of Fallin and that last bastion of mediocrity known as the Oklahoma State Legislature. That’s who! They passed a law that made carrying a switchblade knife legal in this state!

And, guess what Psycho Chick used to perform her illegal dissection? A switchblade knife supposedly with Her Royal Highness’ signature on the blade. Okay, the signature part is not really true, but it could be…right?

Stay the hell away from Tulsa!

That is all!

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