Post Redux - Suffering Succotash...we at CCB could have predicted this!

Happy election day, my loyal, dedicated followers (all four of you including the guy in Pakistan who wants to repost my reposted posts! Oh sure, I could have posted something election-related, but you would expect that and I'm all about keeping you off-guard. So instead I'm posting (from June 2015 - when America was great!) about a woman in Los Angeles who decided to off her man with a can of succotash...no, really. Get out and vote today for whatever moronic crook strikes your fancy (they're all pretty much the same anyway).  Enjoy!

Friends, have you ever had one of those moments, when, out of the blue, something your mother said when you were a kid pops into your brain like the bridge from a really bad 1970’s pop song (hint, we’re all brainwashed)?  I refer to that as déjà mom.  In my particular case, it was the mid-60’s and the TV show “Batman” was on.  I know, the TV Batman was kind of campy, but it still had its cool elements…no uber-cool, brooding, mysterious Dark Knight here…it was a paunchy, chicken-armed Adam West in a Lycra body suit and blue cape. 

But, I digress…

Back to the déjà mom, the Penguin likely was lowering the Caped Crusader (at an excruciatingly slow pace) into a vat of boiling purple acid filled with purple-acid-loving, man-eating guppies, when Mom pipes up with, “Why don’t they just shoot him?”

That moment came back to me over the weekend as I was alerted by the CCB command center about a breaking AP story pushed out by the Huffington Post web site.  It seems that a woman in Los Angeles attacked her live-in partner with canned goods (peas, carrots, and broth).  Unfortunately, the poor fellow died as a result of this canned carnage.

CCB has twice reported diabolically bizarre female violence perpetrated against men.  No guns used here…only weapons that would make any comic book villain proud.

First, there was the woman in Ohio who stabbed her boyfriend/lover/partner in the groin with a pen because he ate all of the salsa in the house.  We at CCB issued a warning to all men to never, ever eat all the salsa in the house and to stay the hell out of Ohio.

Not two weeks later, we reported on a woman in Japan who attacked her boyfriend/lover/partner with a knife after said partner made a doody that stunk to high heaven.  We urged all men then to start using the bathroom down at the corner gas station and hide all the knives. 

Following the second incident we put our team of crack investigators from the CCB Institute for the Study of Female Histrionics (CCBIFTSOFH) onto the research trail of just what is happening.  Okay, they’ve not accomplished much of anything.  As is often the case when you put noted scholars onto the trail of anything, they have to hold a lot of meetings and symposia regarding the direction of the investigation, the color of the paper that will be used for the final report, and even which font to use. (sigh) Perhaps it’s a good thing that the investigation remains in its infancy.  They can now include this latest episode from Los Angeles in their data compilation.

KNBC-TV (Los Angeles) reported that murder charges were filed against the woman last week and bail was set at more than $1 million.  No motive has been disclosed.  So, we have no idea what prompted this alleged woman to allegedly launch a one-woman barrage.  Maybe, just maybe, the poor fellow ate all of the lima beans (an important ingredient in any succotash recipe) and she was at the end of her rope.

Now I’m not saying that all of the above women weren’t without good reasons for perpetrating their alleged assaults on their respective alleged men. Yeah, okay…eating all the salsa in the house and creating horrific bathroom odors do seem a bit low on the scale of frenzied attack reasoning.

This why we’re hoping that CCBIFTSOFH will get to the bottom of things soon.  How many more men must suffer Joker/King Tut/Penguin-style attacks? 

Here is our best CCB advice for avoiding similar situations: Start sleeping in your vehicle with the doors locked and one eye open; Keep a secret stash of salsa hidden so you can keep it stocked in the house; Install commercial grade exhaust in your bathroom; Put deadbolts on the pantry door; and, Stay the hell out of Japan, Ohio, and Los Angeles.

Hope everyone had a great Father’s Day.  See you tomorrow…same Bat time, same Bat channel!

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