 Welcome to another of CCB's posts past. Today we're wallowing in a post from December 19, 2017 that came on the heels of Jeff Glor (aka, Carlton the Doorman) sitting his monotone butt down in the anchor seat at CBS Evening News. Looking back on it, I guess I wasn't very fair to Mr. Glor. I am happy to report that CBS (probably as a result of our flaming arrows) apparently bought him some speech therapy. His voice isn't nearly as monotone any more...though there is remains a very distinct Carlton the Doorman vibe (YouTube it). Enjoy!
Aaaand….we’re back! How the hell are you, America? Miss us? It’s been kind of a wild couple of months as Mr. Robin was tied up in a project, but things have wrapped up and we’re back doling out our (nearly) daily doses of cynicism and the truth no one wants to read. We’ll start with the most pressing issue…namely fruitcake (or lack thereof). As long time readers of this blog will recall Mr. Robin has never turned down a free fruitcake in his life. So, here we are less than a week from Christmas and I’ve not received anything from you people! Surely, there are those of you out there in blogland who have received this year’s edition of Aunt Tilly’s special rum-laden fruitcake which you have unceremoniously tossed under the tree to fill the empty spaces. After Christmas, you’ll feel guilty, but will nevertheless toss the canned fruitcake out with the leftover Ramen noodle and anchovy casserole you offered your family this year. Wasting fruitcake is a sin! Look, here at The Compound we’re only too happy to take in orphaned fruitcakes. There’s a large U-shaped driveway leading up the main house. Just drive to the top of the U and toss your fruitcake out on the lawn…no questions asked. Your calorie-packed confection with the mass of pressurized granite has found a home! I’ve cleared space in the freezer so that I can eat fruitcake from now until Labor Day 2018. And, remember…the more brandy or rum or other intoxicants that Aunt Tilly poured into the mix, the better. There’s no better feeling than having your fruitcake and feeling high AF for the effort…just sayin’. Okay, enough with Fruitcake-o-Rama 2017…just know, I’ll give your unwanted fruitcake a home here at The Compound. Let’s move into the role of Mr. Robin playing media critic. Friends, I may giving away my age, but I am a devoted fan of TV network news. I have been known to quit jobs when I couldn’t make it home in time to watch the evening news. And, I’m not talking about the local chumps…that’s just pure entertainment. Nope, it’s the full blown in-your-face correspondents being blown away in 150 mph hurricane winds and/or injured by shrapnel from smoke grenades fired by Israeli police. That’s the stuff dreams are made of! And, admittedly, I’m a CBS Evening News person. Always have been. From Walter Cronkite (he shoulda run for president) to Dan Rather (what’s the frequency, Kenneth?) to every mutt in between and beyond. I was disappointed when they let Scott Pelley go. As you may recall, CCB was one of the first to announce that he had been fired, even before he knew. We’re good that way. CBS made moved him out while he overseas on an assignment. Well done, CBS! You rat bastards. Next came the weird transition between Pelley and Anthony Mason (Mr. Milquetoast). Mason was harmless enough, but you could tell his heart wasn’t in it. There was even a three-day period where they rolled James Brown from CBS Sports in there on presumably a tryout (he did pretty well, by the way). It was all leading up to the ascension of Jeff Glor to the throne. Jeff Glor…have you watched this guy? He has this odd sort of deadpan, monotone voice without inflection. It’s creepy. He’d be great in a movie about a deranged serial killer, but America’s most trusted and beloved news anchor? Nope. It’s like listening to Carlton the Doorman (remember him?). I will admit that I’m not the only person to notice. I suspect CBS has been giving Carlton voice lessons. After a couple of weeks on air, he’s beginning to show signs of inflection…my God, he may be human! Friends, have you heard of Kris Van Cleave? This is an ambitious and seemingly upright sort of fellow that I used to watch on the local CBS affiliate in DC. After I moved back to Oklahoma, Kris began turning up on the CBS Evening News as the transportation correspondent. Kris is always buzzing off someplace to cover something and does a reasonably decent job of things. …until last night. There he was, Kris Van Cleave, on the story in the Atlanta airport where hordes (hordes, I’m tellin’ ya) of people are stranded because the power at the airport went out on Sunday. He interviewed people who were upset, he stood among the “sea of baggage” piled up in the corridors of the airport. He covered every angle, even accusing the head of Georgia Power of being inept in his job that redundancies in the system failed too (okay, he didn’t actually use those words, but you could tell from the sneer on Kris’ face that he was thinking it). Van Cleave’s story ended with him standing in middle of that sea of baggage. He was wrapping things up and handed the broadcast off to New York with a “back to you, Anthony.” There was a second of stunned silence before Carlton the Doorman said, “Thank you, Kris, by the way my name is Jeff Glor.” Van Cleave puked forth with his apologies, but they cut him off and moved to the next segment. Kris Van Cleave…dead man. He’s probably still among the bags in Atlanta. In exile. Banished forever from the Land of Carlton the Doorman. Kind of like Cousin Fred, who is still in Moscow. More on that tomorrow. That is all! Comments are closed.
|
Archives
March 2019
Categories |
RSS Feed