 Happy Thursday to everyone. We’re sneaking up on another weekend! Hang in there for another couple of days and then you can sit around in your underwear watching mindless marathons of some inane show you can’t possibly turn away from.
For me right now that’s the show on STARZ called, Black Sails. Very cool show about early organized crime in the Western Hemisphere…aka, pirates. The Wife of course hates it, but then she’s still on her latest resort vacation to Shattuck (where she gets three out of four local channels plus one ESPN channel) so I get to watch what I want. The Black Sails marathon will start on Saturday at 10AM. If you’re interested, stop by The Compound and bring your own rum. Well, I say there will be a marathon on Saturday, but that assumes I’m totally rid of our latest pest, The New Anti-Elvis (TNA-E). He and his entourage showed up again yesterday. They kept the tour bus parked out on the road, even though I had inadvertently left the gates open when Cousin Fred made a run into town for donuts. I was frankly a little surprised to see TNA-E return after the debacle at the cemetery the day before. The tour bus driver found Temple Houston’s grave easily enough and TNA-E was rolling around on it, trying (in his words) to pick up some Temple Houston vibe. It wasn’t long before his tour bus was spotted from the road. Within minutes, every screaming teenaged girl within forty miles had gathered around the bus. TNA-E suddenly felt obligated to perform and climbed atop the bus to show the girls some of his famous moves. It all came to an end when two of Cosmic City’s finest – they’re down to two-officer shifts now – showed up and one officer began writing tickets which they taped to the outside of the bus. The other cop grabbed a bullhorn and yelled at TNA-E to come down from the top of the bus. The girls were screaming and TNA-E was busy lip-syncing his latest hit from up on high where the police couldn’t get him. There was talk of calling in the Fire Dept to bring a ladder truck and/or water cannon, but that department was much too busy having a BBQ on the roof sunporch of their new fire station…”We’re just grilling some brats, catching some rays, and digging the aura of this very groovy city,” one firefighter was quoted as saying. When the lip-syncing ended, TNA-E climbed back through the roof of the tour bus which started immediately and began easing through the crowd, citations waving in the air. They left behind a herd of heart-crushed teen girls who were now rolling around on Temple Houston’s grave in an effort to absorb some of TNA-E’s scent. It was scandalous, I’m tellin’ ya! And now, here he was – TNA-E, that is. He and the entire entourage dressed in 1890’s style apparel. I stood in front of The Cab, uncertain as to what, if anything, I was going to do. The road manager, John Z. Quick, clutching his briefcase to his chest, charged ahead of the group to me. He was dressed as a stereotypical 19th century riverboat gambler. He informed me that the entourage just wanted to play some Pitch inside The Cab for a while. He made it clear that they had to depart for TNA-E’s next gig in Kansas City and wouldn’t be staying long. As TNA-E approached, I made a comment about his Peacemaker hanging off his hip. I pointed out that Temple Houston was right-handed, but TNA-E was wearing his gun on his left hip. With that, he stopped and glared at me. He then announced to the entourage that I had ruined it for him. “Everybody back on the bus!” And, then…they were gone. I went inside to commence drinking. Speaking of doing weird things with the dead…say, my application of segues is improving, don’t you think? It turns out that Oklahoma does NOT have the wackiest state legislature in the United States. We at CCB have found reports of one that really wastes its time on nonsense legislation. Namely, Illinois. It seems that a Republican representative in Illinois introduced a bill that would make October Zombie Preparedness Month. (Cue sounds of crickets and pins dropping.) Seriously, they’re doing this. Now, of all of life’s real things that go bump in the night…let’s see there are bats, snakes, spiders, hacking Russians, Kellyanne Conways, and Bigfoots (Bigfeets?). Zombies are not on the list of crap keeping me awake at night. So, it will be a law to prepare for a zombie apocalypse in October in Illinois? And, I thought we had trouble! The thing is, the bill has made it out of committee and is on the floor for debate, as we speak. (More pins dropping.) But, wait, there’s more! AND, the debate is raging as to the type of zombie that they should direct people to prepare for. Type of zombie? WTF? This in a state where there are more murders per night than the rest of the 49 states combined…for a year. And this is how you’ll spend your legislative session? Seriously? Maybe we aren’t so bad off here in Oklahoma after all. Our legislature looks pretty normal compared with the zombie preppers up there. Okay, not really. That is all! Comments are closed.
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