You know, it’s not easy being me. Now that word of the Cosmic City Blog is starting to get around, I’m hounded by people with an agenda to push. Everybody wants to see their cause celebre aired in public. Yesterday morning I was making my usual Breakfast Tour when someone came up beside me at Crystal Beach and asked me if I was, in fact, the dude that does CCB. I rolled down my window and tried to shake his hand, but he stepped back. Said he was worried about the germs that the Oklahoma Department of Health has been spreading around the countryside in an effort to make us as docile as lambs so we won’t bad mouth the state legislature. He said he figured they have been double-dosing me.
At last! Someone even more paranoid than me! He said that he had scandalous blockbuster information that he would share with me and all of my loyal CCB readership (all none of you). I eagerly waited to hear what he had to say, but he began backing away from me saying, “I’ll be in touch. I must remain anonymous for now, but you will see me again.” So, we have that to look forward to! But, I digress… Let me say that I own more than a few guns. I enjoy shooting. I carry. I hoard (and bury) ammo figuring that Nancy Pelosi will pull up to the gates of the compound at any moment to seize my supply. Hell, I live in a heavily fortified compound…what do you think it’s fortified with? Slingshots? I’m a member of the NRA and the National Association for Gun Rights (hint: save your money). But, even I recognize that there are and probably should be limits to exercising my Second Amendment “rights” to carry, own, or purchase firearms. I moved here from Virginia where you can actually carry open into bars, but you can’t even carry concealed in banks or courthouses. I thought I had seen the limit of how far the gun lobby could stretch things…and then I moved to Oklahoma. I read in yesterday’s Woodward News a small three-paragraph article buried on page 3 that HRH also signed a bill into law that allows for Oklahoma school employees to start carrying guns at school. WHAT?! Does this make sense to anybody? Let’s examine all the worst-case scenarios, shall we? All of these are loosely based on individuals who worked for Woodward Public Schools when I was going to school. Trust me, they’re all either dead or so old they can’t find their computer anymore. So, first there’s the angry cafeteria supervisor. She’s in her late-40s. Her husband left her for the 24-year-old breakfast burrito maker at Sonic. The two of them ran off to Miles City, Montana where the burrito queen will belt out the classics as a torch singer at the Prairie Dog Ramada Inn while accompanied by Mr. Wonderful on his 66-key Casio keyboard with simulated drum sounds. This of course leaves angry cafeteria supervisor lady with nothing more than a slightly better than minimum wage job slopping food onto plastic trays for kids to eat. What if one of the kids mouths off about how the goulash smells funny? Or the elementary school kid who, on his birthday, gets the “privilege” of working the dishwasher in the kitchen, but slops food everywhere to the point that he loses his “privileges” and gets sent back to face his savage third grade teacher who hates his guts (yes, that was me). Is this someone that you would want carrying a gun at school? Next up is the creepy janitor guy who spends way too much time in his deluxe janitorial closet counting the strings on mop heads. He’s never married and hasn’t had a date since 11th grade when Minnie Torkmeyer agreed to go to the Junior Prom with him. She dumped him as soon as she was through the door and saw altogether-too-handsome farm boy from Laverne come in. Creepy janitor guy has harbored that painful memory for some time now…50-odd years it’s been building up. Sure, he hides the bullets from himself in a far corner of his deluxe janitorial closet, but he know where to find ‘em. Let’s see…there’s the high school psycho football coach/driver’s ed. instructor/typing teacher. He and the band director are constantly at one another’s throats. The band plays too loudly at games. The band doesn’t play loudly enough at games. One day, Coach snaps…stuffs the band director into the trunk of the driver’s ed car. His .44 mag beside him on the seat, he careens maniacally down the street typing his manifesto and shooting out the driver’s side window. Oh…there’s more. Back in the day, Woodward Public Schools had its share of people who probably shouldn’t have been near children. Just sayin’. Now, I DO get the intent of the law. If some wack-job comes into the school with a loaded weapon with the intent of shooting up a classroom, of course it’s probably better that someone in the damned school is armed. BUT…unless the person who’s armed knows what they’re doing, they’re likely more of a problem than the active shooter. Also, if you’re going to put a weapon in the hands of someone in the school building, why not follow the airline model? That is, only the principal (pilot) or vice principal (co-pilot) are armed. MAYBE…and this is just a maybe…the Oklahoma legislature in its own warped sense of lawmaking thought giving teachers the “privilege” to carry guns at school would divert attention from the fact that they’re finally giving a pay raise to teachers, the funding for which is coming from the teacher pension fund! Judas priest! Is ANYBODY in this state paying attention!!!!???? And they wonder why I live in a compound? So it is that another legislative session ends and we’re all left with a general sense of hmmmmmm. Comments are closed.
|
Archives
March 2019
Categories |