Passive aggressive existentialism...or, how Mr. Robin learned to embrace the effects of gamma radiation.

You know gang, Mr. Robin has always had his own special way of dealing with the curveballs that life hurls at me like an errant National League pitcher seemingly bent on losing the NLDS…again.

My approach is to wait. Over time, problems solve themselves. At least that’s always been my way of dealing with the fish-eyed fools and nonsense that I’ve found myself in.

Of course, the Wife describes it as Robin’s passive-aggressive approach to just about everything. I don’t agree, of course, but don’t wish to discuss it.

So it is that my problem of Cousin Fred and Gigi being up in the Main House here at The Compound now that the Cabinet Saloon replica has burned to the ground has resolved itself. Well, sort of.

The Wife is racking up the charges at the motel on the edge of Shattuck this week. Extravagant room service (bierox, German sausage, sauerkraut, and Nehi soda every night) is compounding the bills. But, she refuses to step foot on The Compound again until Cousin Fred and Gigi are gone. Now that too is resolved.

See?! Mr. Robin’s way works again!

So, over the weekend, Cousin Fred saw something go by on The Compound’s newsfeed that porn-entrepreneur Larry Flynt is offering $10 million to anyone who can produce evidence that will get The Trump impeached.

After reading the article, I could hear the urine-rusted hamster wheels in his chemically battered brain turning. Squeak, squeak, squeak.

After some time of reflection, he announced that he and Gigi would build a new palatial Cabinet Saloon replica on the north lawn. “And, as to funding…,” I inquired?

That’s always a sticking point around here.

He told me that he and Gigi were leaving for Russia. He’s convinced that the solid evidence to impeach The Trump is there, just waiting fall into his hands. Soon thereafter, he plans to return to the U.S. and claim the $10 million bounty.

Sounds easy enough, don’t you think? So they left this morning for Moscow via OKC dressed – and I’m not kidding here – like the characters Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale from the old Bullwinkle show (I know, I watched too much crap on TV as a kid). If TSA somewhere in the U.S. doesn’t tase, strip, and do body cavity searches on the two of them, hopefully the Russian TSA will take of business.

Things actually are very quiet here at The Compound with the two of them out of the way. Good, I like it that way. The Wife indicated she wants confirmation of them landing on Russian soil before she’ll check out and return to The Compound. I told her to bring bierox, homemade kraut, and sausage with her.

In the meantime, I’m headed back down the hidey-hole I think. Did you hear that some group in DC just released a study on the effects of an EMP explosion at altitude over the United States? The study was titled: North Korea EMP Attack: An Existential Threat.

For those of you with a Liberal Arts degree (such as myself), that title is somewhat deceiving if you’ve sat through as much mind-numbing existentialism drivel as I have. Hell, I even wrote a short film screenplay that had its roots in existentialism. And you thought too much Bullwinkle screwed me up. Oh, no! Ho ho.

Allow me to put it into context for you liberal arts types. In this particular context, the phrase “existential threat” doesn’t mean the Federal government raiding your hippie commune in the dark forests of Oregon, Washington, and/or Idaho and seizing your Deepak Chopra and Will Ackerman CDs.

Nope, in this case “existential threat” means – WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

According to this bunch of party animals in DC, NoKo and its lunatic-fringe leader with a really bad haircut may have the ability to set off an EMP bomb in the upper atmosphere over the U.S.

Assuming they can get one of their hobby missiles to an altitude of 294 miles, the detonation of an EMP (electromagnetic pulse) weapon would fry all of our electronics and wipe out the power grid over nearly all of the U.S., most of Canada, and a huge chunk of Mexico.

But that’s only the start. According the publication, 91% of the U.S. population would be dead inside of a year.

Or not, there is no real indication that NoKo has that capability…yet. In the meantime, The Trump is tweeting that the chef who cooked his meal at his hotel in DC last night overcooked the prime rib. The Trump is calling for the chef to be publicly flogged in Lafayette Square as a lesson to other fake chefs. WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

Note to self, bring a CD player and lots of alcohol into the hidey-hole. Must play Deepak Chopra and Will Ackerman CDs…great countermeasures for the threat of EMP and the gamma radiation that follows.

That is all!
 

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