![]() As you long time readers of CCB (all four of you) are well aware, Mr. Robin is one very paranoid individual. His personal motto, translated from the Aramaic (hey, mottos done in anything other than dead languages ain’t proper mottos) is, “If you aren’t paranoid, you aren’t paying attention.” Am I right? Of course I am. Yesterday, Cousin Fred came to me with a wish list of more paranormal paraphernalia for our latest pursuit as ghost hunters. The total for his latest list is something over $800. A ridiculous amount I thought since there was a lot of stuff on that list that we already have. He (remarkably) agreed, but pointed out that the stuff on his list is mostly off the shelf products that have been modified by second tier programmers specifically designed for ghost hunting. His claim is that there are modules in these products that we definitely need. Uh huh. There was one item on the list that did catch my attention. A Ghost-O-Meter. Next to that he had written $0. Now THAT caught my eye. I foolishly ask Cousin Fred about it. Turns out it’s an app for iPhone, iPad, iWhatever (sorry, you Android fools). Foolishly, I pick up my iPhone and go to the App Store and type in the word, “ghost.” Lots of apps appear. Most do have some sort of $$ charge that comes with the download though it’s listed as “In-App Purchases.” Then I see the app, Ghost-O-Meter. It’s free. Foolishly, I download the damned thing. It turns out that the app turns any device running over IOS into an EMF meter. I open the app, there’s some low level crackling static coming through the phone’s speaker and the screen has a graphic display that any of you steampunk lovers out there would…well…love. I swept my phone around the room. Suddenly the crackling intensified, the graphic meter jumped to the maximum position, and the old-timey graphic light bulb on the display lit up. When I moved the phone off that position, it all died down. I moved it back and everything lit up again. Cousin Fred, convinced we were in the middle of a paranormal meltdown ran to get some of the equipment we had already purchased. That’s when it came to me what was actually happening. While ghosts supposedly give off some sort of EMF signature, so do a lot of electronic devices. My iPhone had found my Compound surveillance camera mounted outside (told you I’m paranoid). The camera was throwing off an EMF field that could be detected through an exterior wall. I didn’t know if I was impressed with a free app on the phone or terrified of a powerful EMF signature penetrating everything. Cousin Fred, at this point, has the spirit box up and running. The sound of white noise fills the room. He starts trying to communicate with whatever he thinks is there. “Is someone in the room with us?” I tried to point out that I found the source of his panic. “Talk to us if you can. Try to communicate. Who are you?” And then…by golly…a voice came through. It said, amid the white noise, “Macy.” There was more but it was really garbled with all the white noise and static. Cousin Fred, ever the professional ghost hunter asked, “What do you want, Macy? Are you here to do us harm?” Macy: “Yes…you could damage your…(garbled). Cousin Fred pointed out that we should be recording this encounter. I wasn’t so sure, but I have to admit I was hooked. Cousin Fred: “I command you, Macy. Tell us what you want!” Macy, suddenly much clearer and sounding rather exasperated: “What do I want? I want you to pay at least the minimum payment on your Macy’s charge card. You’re overdue. I’ll ruin your credit score!” I rolled my eyes and walked over to the spirit box and promptly shut it down. Cousin Fred was aghast, but I pointed out that somehow the danged spirit box had picked up a wireless call from a bill collector. I next unplugged the power source for the surveillance camera outside and checked the Ghost-O-Meter. Nothing. And then it occurred to my paranoid self that I had found a new use for the Ghost-O-Meter. If it can detect any EMF field, then it would be handy for keeping track of any of the other hundreds of surveillance cameras we see or don’t see on a daily basis. And, it’s free! It’s a poor paranoid’s dream! Remember, if you aren’t paranoid, you aren’t paying attention! Oh, and, it’s a conspiracy, man! That is all! Comments are closed.
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