Paranormal? I got your paranormal right here, pal! Red wine is life's elixir no matter what the Baptists say.

Howdy everybody! Welcome to the Tuesday edition of CCB as we plod along like an errant plow horse headed toward a weekend of blah.

This is always a weird time of year here at The Compound. Football is over. Baseball is trying to get going, but generally comes as slow as Christmas.
It’s too cold to sit outside and count the vehicles headed toward (allegedly) illegal parties down the road (I’m just mad because I’m never invited).

So, while the Wife is planning her next fabulous vacation coming up in two weeks, Cousin Fred and I are left to our own devices. That’s seldom a good thing.

I took some heat with my return posting yesterday over the fact that there was no mention of Cousin Fred and Gigi living underground out on the north lawn. People also pointed out that I left a string dangling from my last post in January…that Cousin Fred and I were planning to host a training camp for preppers here at The Compound.

Eh, that was then, this is now.

Cousin Fred and Gigi are still living underground out on the north lawn. The way Cousin Fred sees it, every abode he’s had here has eventually burned to the ground. As he put it, you can’t burn something to the ground that’s already below the ground. He may have a point there, in a Cousin Fred logic sort of way.

The prepper camp idea, I think, is done though. There wasn’t a lot of interest locally. People are already armed to the teeth and prepping for something around here. And, who the hell is going to travel to the middle of East Beejeezus (aka, here) to sleep out on a windblown hill only to rise in the morning covered in sand burs.

Cousin Fred and I have decided to take our nonsense to the people. We’re now official ghost hunters. We used the last of the royalty money from the reality series, Bigfoot: Naked and Untamed to buy a couple of digital recorders, EMF meters, 3-D imaging equipment, and a spirit box (so you can talk to said ghosts).

Cousin Fred has been in touch with our sort-of agent/Hollywood mentor Chick Farris. There’s interest in having us film a rough pilot doing some ghost hunting and exposing those dirty ghosts for what they really are…as soon as we can figure out exactly what that might be.

Chick says we’ll need a hook of some sort. So we’re working that angle now. Cousin Fred pointed out that there are no naked ghost hunters on television yet. Always with the nakedity, Cousin Fred…always with the nakedity.
Anyway, that’s what we’re doing to keep ourselves entertained until spring. By the way, if you are nearby and have a plethora (actual ghost hunting term) of paranormal activity around your place and are willing to abandon your home for a few days while we move in and hunt ghosts, let us know. What could go wrong?

In the meantime, I’m on my own mission to figure something out. Have you ever noticed how one study by a major university will turn up results that something is good for you, but another study by another university will tell you that what you’re doing will kill you?

Can’t these universities get their stories straight? And why are major universities doing studies anyway? Besides putting students and parents of said students in years of unmanageable debt, aren’t you supposed to teaching the little punks something? Just sayin’…

So, two weeks ago, I read about a study that was done in Britain, I think that kind of confirmed what we’ve all heard before…that one or two glasses of red wine could help you live into your nineties. Now that’s good news for me because: 1) I’m a life pig; 2) I like red wine; and, 3) I really like red wine.

Seriously, I like red wine. It’s why, at my altogether advancing age, I still look like a young John Wayne (think opening scene, John Ford’s “Stagecoach”).

Well, Sunday, I saw something go by on the newsfeed here at The Compound, done by a research group here in the U.S. that claims that more than one-half of a glass of red wine a day triples the likelihood that you’ll wind up with dementia. Well, crap…now what do I do?

Bet that study was funded by Baptists seeking to derail the oncoming shift in Oklahoma laws that will allow Wal-Mart to start selling real beer and wine.

Screw you, we voted for it…it’s coming. I see that Wal-Mart has shifted the shelves around to make room. They’re with us on this!

Eh, well, I’ve gone too far to turn back now. I’ll take the young John Wayne look…now if I could just find a magic elixir to grow hair, I’d be set!

That is all!

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