ODOT is run by well-intentioned war criminals...does that make HRH Mary Fallin a benevolent dictator?

Good morning world! How the heck is everybody?

Me, I’m only running on four hours sleep and it’s not likely to get better anytime soon. The Daughter arrived here at The Compound last night…or should I say, this morning.

So, I was expecting to have to drive to OKC to pick up the Daughter at the airport. Yes, it was a scheduled 9PM arrival and we here in Cosmic City are 2.5 hours away, but I was happy to oblige. The Daughter arrived about 20 minutes late…no big deal. But then…and it’s a big but…her luggage didn’t make it. So now we have to file a report with the airline baggage people who are only too happy to point out that the Daughter was a late check-in and it’s not their fault.

They’re fairly certain the baggage will be found and arrive in OKC sometime today, but because it was a late check-in, I’ll have to go back to OKC to pick it up. And, even then, I’m like okay, I can do this. Anything for the Daughter.

But then…

My story of last night involves my arch-enemy – ODOT – that seemingly insatiable nefarious flock of land thieves and asphalt snorting beasts whose organization name is actually an acronym for Official Department of Oppressive Timekillers.

But, I digress…

So we’re rolling down I-40W moving in the general direction of The Compound. On the west side of Yukon, I see an electronic message board that reads (and, I’m NOT making this up)…”I-40W CLOSED AHEAD. DRIVERS MUST EXIT.”

A closed interstate...how does that happen? Did ISIS blow up a bridge? The interstate is a crime scene. Yes it is, in a manner of speaking.

Now for those of you not familiar with the landscape around here. Once you’re past Yukon, there isn’t a lot of exits and it’s too late to change plans.

So road speeds drop from roughly 70 mph to O almost instantly. Some of my fellow drivers take the sign a bit seriously and literally drive off the interstate, climb an embankment and swerve onto some other unmarked road above us. Brave bastards!

I squint ahead and can see red taillights stretching to infinity…and beyond. People in the left lane are turning into breaks in the oppressive razor wire fencing that ODOT puts up to keep people on the road and they’re driving back east on the grass median until they can find another hole in the fence.

Me? Like the idiot I am, I just sit. ODOT had vehicles backed up for six miles as it turns out. At the end of the delay, they were demolishing an overpass. So what do they do? They force cars off of four lane interstate onto a single lane off-ramp…up and over and back down the on-ramp on the other side where we’re now back up to 70 mph, BUT having lost ONE FRIGGING HOUR OF MY LIFE.

Now, then, lest you think this is merely a rant…oh no…I would suggest that the morons at ODOT take a lesson from VDOT – Virginia’s version. At the height of major construction along the infamous (notorious?) Capital Beltway, VDOT realized that they would have to rebuild SEVERAL overpasses along what is one of the most heavily traveled corridors on the east coast.

VDOT came up with the idea and announced it loudly and often LONG BEFORE demolition actually started that they would set aside time between 2AM and 4AM for overpass demo. As the work proceeded, State Troopers would stop traffic, VDOT would destroy a section of overpass, VDOT would run equipment out onto the roadway to clear debris, trucks would carry away debris, and voila! said road is reopened.

REASONABLE, that’s VDOT. They don’t impinge on the motoring progress of sleep deprived paranoid idiots (I’m telling you they knew I would be driving last night) like me.

Now then, for those of you who know me, you know that my skirmishes with ODOT have gone on for as long as I’ve been living here again. I’ve printed columns in a local newspaper about ODOT’s inept, ill-advised, and WASTEFUL spending on what I affectionately refer to as the Fargo (pop. 26) Freeway (phase two is coming people…this spring…be ready…I’m NOT making that up).

Then, I had people from ODOT headquarters in OKC calling first me and then my editor asking if I couldn’t tone it down a bit. Even the local ODOT commissioner tried to shut me up.

But then again, maybe I’m expecting too much of a bunch of freaking hillbillies with too much $$$ and not enough common sense to make reasonable road construction decisions.

The end of times is near…and ODOT is driving the bulldozer.

That is all!

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