 Happy Thursday, people! For the second night in a row, we’ve lost power here at The Compound, but no one seems to know why. Or, at least they won’t tell us why.
Unlike my next door neighbor (a mile or so away), who has OG&E and his lights are always on (OG&E’s motto translated from the Latin is “We’ll keep the lights on, no matter watt!”), here at The Compound we have NWEC (whose motto translated from the Latin – and this is a fresh translation – “We just keep tapping OG&E’s power to keep the lights on). Well, I guess someone found the tap. So, as I always do when we lose power here – two nights in a row people, come on! – I called the outage reporting number (also known as the outrage hotline). Guess where they are? Austin, Minnesota. I know that because I mentioned to the person who answered the line that this was the second night in a row that we’ve lost power. I asked if they could tell me why? The response I got (I’m not kidding here), was “Sir, I can’t tell you that.” After that I asked where I was calling…freakin’ Minnesota, that’s where. Hmmmmmm, I thought. What I said was, “You can’t tell me or you won’t tell me?” The person then informed that my outage would be reported and the line then went dead. I don’t know what I expected from someone sitting in Minnesota. The power was out for a bit longer last night - 90 minutes. It was out for 60 minutes the night before. Will there be another outage tonight, or will NWEC manage to not drop the load (Navy talk)? Guess they’ll just have to find another isolated spot they can tap OG&E’s power. Granted, I live on a compound with perimeter lighting that operates off of a series of interconnected generators, but I didn’t want to use that…it’s for special events like firefights in the middle of the night. So, I just sat there in the darkness and silence of NO POWER contemplating how my life has gone so very wrong, when my phone lit up. The caller ID said it was anonymous. That meant it was either my Somali Pirate friends who like to call at weird times to hijack my phone if I’m foolish enough to answer OR it was The Trump. Frankly, I’d rather take my chances with Somali Pirates. Hesitantly, I answered. It was The Trump. My spirits sank even lower. “Hey, there Blogger Boy! How’s life in the dark?” “How did you…?” “Cause I’m president and I know everything, that’s how! You want your lights back on? Here…” I heard a click on the other end and the power came back on. “My lights just came back on. Did you do that?” “Listen up, Blogger Boy…I know your lights are back on. I just turned them back on!” “But…how…why?” “Not important. The only thing you need to know is that I can smash you whenever I want, like I’m doing those stupid Democrats.” “Ummmm…” “Hey, Blogger Boy, you watch the fake network evening news, right? Did you catch my speech up in Iowa? Those people love them some Trump in Iowa! There’s talk of renaming the town square in my honor. And, why do you watch fake network evening news anyway? That’s for old people. It’s a conspiracy to sell Viagra and Go See Alice to people who need that sort of thing. I don’t, do I Blogger Boy?” “I…uh…what?” “Anywho, that’s the reason I’m calling. I’m 5 and 0 now. 5 and 0, Blogger Boy! I’m on a roll and when Trump gets on a roll, Trump rolls over everyone. I’m breaking up with you. I won’t be calling again, I don’t need your pathetic advice. Did I mention 5 and 0?” “Well, it was a zero-sum game...” “I tell you those delusional Dems are in disarray. I’m so glad I switched parties. Okay, so to review, I won’t be calling no more, but I will occasionally turn your lights on and off just for fun. Maybe the next time, I have some head of state here in the Oval Office, I’ll him or her flip your lights on and off. Whaddya think about that? Okay, I gotta go…we’re planning a carpet bombing campaign of the West Coast. Trump out!” I sat there contemplating what had just happened, but contemplating it all in light. I thought I should alert someone on the West Coast about the carpet bombing thing, but who would believe me? Instead, I chose sleep. Pssst…if you’re in California, Oregon, or Washington, you may want to come inland, to maybe New Jersey. Just sayin’. That is all! Comments are closed.
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