 Welcome to Friday everyone! Most of you lucky devils will get a two-day rest before hitting the trenches again on Monday. But, not me. Oh no, not me! Cousin Fred found his way into the main house here at The Compound yesterday and passed off his notes for his first self-help guru book (hopefully you’re all sitting down), “How to Stop Living and Start Worrying.” I know, I know…huh? I pointed out that he’s just ripping off the old Dale Carnegie classic, “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” He paused and looked around (like there’s anyone else around here…the Wife is still on her fabulous vacation in Tahiti) to make certain no one was listening. He shushed me and pointed out that most Millennials haven’t a clue that Dale Carnegie even existed. “Yeah, so,” I responded? According to Cousin Fred, he isn’t ripping off the Carnegie legacy if he rewrites one of his books so completely as to confuse the reader into believing it’s new millennial psycho-babble. I know, I know…huh? Having taken the Dale Carnegie course when I was a teen (my parents thought it would give me a leg up as an adult – remarkably, they were right), I began looking through Cousin Fred’s notes. And nearly fell over when I read what was in them. One of the first tenets of Dale Carnegie’s “How to Stop Worrying…” is a three-step approach to confronting worry to eliminate it from your life by looking at your concerns with logic and rationality (i.e., how bad can it really be?). Cousin Fred’s three-step approach is to proliferate worry to make you a meaner, and by his reckoning a much more successful individual. Here are his three-steps:
Somehow, I think this will be a disaster, but as Cousin Fred pointed out, you have to have a hook to make it to the top of the self-help game. If that’s the case, I’ll grant you he has a hook…and it’s barbed. Oh, the best part…he’s changing his author name on the books. He will now be known as either Fredrich or Federico. According to him it has a classier, more guruish sound than a mere Fred. Says he’ll let me know which it will be before we must send the manuscript off to the publisher. He told me that the Hairdressing Hydrologist Gigi wants a final draft by this coming Tuesday! Pointed out that I don’t anything else going on. Hmm, well he’s right about that I guess. Anything I have to do is meaningless in the face of philosophical genius spewing forth…I guess. Friend Lamont, in the meantime, has been building the metal framing for the vinyl-covered buildings that will house the medical marijuana enterprise. Interesting that Cousin Fred can start so many businesses and do so very little himself to participate. I want to be more like Cousin Fred. Friends, did you hear about the guy (pictured) down in Florida who was rushed to the hospital for some unknown ailment (wonder if it had something to do with his ear lobes – those look painful). Was treated in the emergency room and then released. But, he didn’t have a ride home. He steps outside and sees the same ambulance that brought him to the hospital and guess what? The keys are in the ignition! What’s a fellow to do in such a case? I’ll tell you what! Avail yourself of said ambulance and drive yourself home! That’s what! After all, those stupid paramedics drove you to the hospital without so much as a thought as to how you would return home! Am I right? It’s only fair that they should give you a ride back home! Is it your fault the paramedics aren’t around to do the driving or even ask permission? Hell no! And, after all there’s the old military adage about “better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.” Oorah! Oh yeah, Ear Lobe Dude was arrested for Grand Theft Auto and Driving Without a Valid License. Sheesh…cops never give a guy a break. He just wanted to go home. That is all! Comments are closed.
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