Mr. Robin...he not dead...yet!

Good morning everybody. Well, hopefully it’s a good morning for you.

Not so much here at The Compound. First thing, straight out of the chute this morning, my coffeemaker blew up. I noticed the little green light on the front was flickering. I thought maybe the cord had a short and started wiggling it. There was a loud bang, followed by a puff of smoke.

Mr. Coffee…he dead!

Let’s see then…oh, by the way, it’s a freakin’ miracle that I’m even posting to the blog today.

As I was sitting here contemplating the ways in which I could attempt to make coffee without a coffee machine, a spider crawled across the screen of my laptop. I tried to gently smash it with my finger so as not to damage the screen. I missed the thing. It leaped off the screen and began charging toward me across the keyboard. I smashed it with my fist. Now the damn laptop doesn’t work.

Mr. HP…he dead!

Oh, and Mr. Spider…he smashed and dead!

Fortunately, the Wife has an extra laptop she uses for her secretive negotiations on some new business venture she’s involved with that will no doubt include filterless Pall-Malls and Old Crow whisky.

And, of course, that laptop is password protected so I’m in her bedroom at 5AM this morning gently trying to wake her and get the password.

The scar will heal. Don’t worry about me. I didn’t lose much blood.
But, wait…there’s more.

So then Cousin Fred sees some teaser from KFOR with the divine miss Linda Cavanaugh announcing that The Trump is making a visit to Oklahoma today to some “top secret” location where he will bang people for $25,000 for the privilege of meeting him while they stare at his “hairline” and try to figure out for themselves what’s going on there.

For that kind of money, The Trump should pull off the dead animal so everyone can see what he really looks like.  

Cousin Fred ran out the door and is headed to OKC in Gigi’s Lexus. He’s hoping to find her wherever The Trump is. I wasn’t certain Cousin Fred can drive with a half-body cast, but he pointed out that he has one arm free and both legs unencumbered.

He’s also wearing a pair of purple nylon shorts with no underwear and contrasting lime green Crocs on his feet.

That, plus the big red heart emblazoned with the words, “Love Kills Slowly” and the URL of his web site www.lovesick-leftovers.com that the Francesca painted on the front of his half-body cast should make him a nice target for the Secret Service if he is able to figure out where The Trump is taking in cash.

Cousin Fred (I suspect)…he will be dead!

So, I don’t want to hear any whining from anyone today about how miserable their Friday is…at least you aren’t on The Compound his morning.

Still, things could be worse, I suppose. I could be sitting in jail for disrupting a funeral by trying to pull the corpse from its casket.

Huh, you say?

Some time ago, we at CCB ran a post about a woman in Tulsa who visited a pre-funeral viewing at a local funeral home where she proceeded to carve up the corpse on display like so much Thanksgiving Day turkey. Seems the dead woman in the casket had been a rival of the alleged carver for the affections of a particular male hunk of burnin’ love.

Ms. Corpse…she dead…again!

Now, word comes to us from Columbia, Tennessee, a city whose motto translated from the Latvian is, “We have no idea what Arkansas!” (Turn it in your head a few times, it’ll come to you).

It seems that a woman was so despondent over the death of someone that she got herself all liquored up (hopefully it wasn’t in one of many, many, many dry counties in Tennessee) and crashed the funeral…literally.

She’s driving to the funeral home and hits one car and then hits another. She fled the scene of both crashes.

She gets to the funeral home, enters as the service for the deceased is underway. Approaches the open casket and then tries to pull the corpse from inside.

Several funeral attendees tackled her and dragged her outside where the police finally managed to catch up to her.

Most eyewitness accounts said the deceased didn’t seem too concerned about the goings-on.

Mr. Deceased…he still dead!

She’s been charged with disrupting a funeral (they take funerals very seriously in Tennessee), public intoxication, unlawful drug paraphernalia (the old glass pipe in the pocket trick), and driving on a revoked or suspended license. Tsk, Tsk, Tsk.

They should have let her pull the body from the casket. It would have been fun to see what she was planning to do with the corpse.

What have we learned here today people?
1. Be glad you aren’t Mr. Robin today.
2. Mr. Robin needs a new Mr. Coffee.
3. Mr. Robin needs a new Mr. HP.
4. Walmart, here comes Mr. Robin.
5. Disrupting a funeral in Tennessee is a crime (who knew?).
6. The password to the Wife’s secret laptop is howdidigethereanyway .

You’ll thank me later.
 

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