Mr. Robin is an attention whore...who knew?

Here we are, folks…Thursday. Sliding toward the weekend, but not quite there yet. At least 157 obstacles between you and sitting around the house in your underwear, gulping beer, and screaming obscenities at the TV as your favorite college team falls flat on its face. Oops, there I go again with the negativity.

That’s the way it is here on The Compound. We needed to get a scouting trip to Montezuma, Colorado (America’s Meanest Town) done before the start of shooting episodes of our reality show, “Bigfoot: Naked and Untamed” for the Vice Channel.

In the meantime, I’m supposed to be in St. Louis no later than Friday night ahead of Sunday evening’s presidential debate to provide coverage for Southern Living magazine. I assured them that I could do that remotely…just watching the debate on TV, but they want me there. In the thick of things.

So reluctantly, we decided to split our forces. After all, it worked out so well for Napoleon in 1815 and Germany in 1942. Cousin Fred and the Francesca are headed off to colorful Colorado, she in violation of her bond. Me, I’m headed to St. Louis to meet up with the virginal vegan Brooklynn Hodensack.

Anticipating the request, I’ve already sent off my list of “requests” for doing the work in St. Louis to the virginal vegan Hodensack. This time I’m shaking things up a bit. Unlike the debacle in Manhattan a few weeks ago, with several members of faculty and students from every prestigious university on the East Coast on one side of the room and a rabid bunch of Reagan-channeling people on the other side, St. Louis will be different.

St. Louis is still a hub for a couple of major airlines. So we’ll invite all the flight crews to show up. They’re always a wild bunch. I have the virginal vegan Hodensack spreading flyers around to the hotels that cater to flight crews. We’ll get people.

So my list this time includes 60 cases of Champagne (flight crews love Champagne – especially right before they fly); 57 cases of Cold Duck (for the flight crew that don’t drink Champagne); Oh, and I’ll throw in 10 cases of Campari for any international flight crews (on ice, that’s nice); we’re in the heart of Anheuser-Busch country so no imported beer, 200 cases of Bud for the locals who show up – they can mix the Campari with the Bud if we don’t get any international flight crews; a new laptop (yes, just one this time, no sense getting greedy); oh, not to forget, six cases of Jack Daniel’s (for me); eight of the 78” SUHD 4K Curved LED Smart HDTVs (because it worked so well in Manhattan); six dedicated broadband circuits (spread over three providers); 15 boxes of pens; 200 legal pads; 50 cases of Cheetos (they don’t smell as bad as the Fritos). Yeah, that should just about do it.  

OH…and as long as we’re in St. Louis, I’m going to invite George Harrison’s 85 year old sister Louise over. Since George’s death in 2000, the estate ignores her. Well, I won’t!
Southern Living is crawling up my ass about getting an exclusive interview this go around. Not sure how I’ll pull that off since neither candidate wants anything to do with me (I’m a known quantity). Maybe I can get whatever Ogle shows up to put in the good word for me.

I tell you, what I really need to do is find a new line of work. Seriously, I’m serious, damn it! You think it’s easy partying with flight crews in the Midwest and then chasing naked people up and down the side of a mountain? NO!

The thing I’m still trying to figure out is how there are people making money off YouTube. I really need to do that. Just yesterday, I heard of someone who has made a million bucks with their YouTube channel, posting original material on there.

I’m creative. I’ve always been something of an attention whore. I could do this!

Take for instance some guy I just read about this morning on Huffington Post. His name is Ted Barrus. He has his own YouTube channel called Ted Barrus the Fire Breathing Idiot, wherein he samples extremely hot peppers and/or sauces on camera and makes weird faces while he chokes and sputters. He also does some marijuana reviews on his channel.

Well, in his most recent stunt he combined the two. He decided to bong rip a slice of the world’s most potent red pepper, the dreaded Carolina Reaper, which comes in on the Scoville Heat-Measuring Scale at a rating of 1,569,300.

There’s video of him taking a deep bong hit of the smoking pepper and immediately gagging, trying to stop the pain with water (doesn’t work), and finally puking.

And this guy is making $$$$ from his YouTube channel and getting national press coverage for being a self-described idiot. Oh, and he now has blistered lungs. Why can’t I?

Note to self…get a YouTube channel.

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