Happy Onesday (aka, the day formerly known as Tuesday). We here at CCB have decided just a little more havoc and chaos in the world by renaming the days of the week. I figure we’ll start small with this stupid blog and work our way up to the European Union, thereby heaping chaos upon chaos.
It’ll be great, you’ll see! So, how’s your Onesday going so far? Good, I hope! Things began to finally settle down here at The Compound following Moonday (FKA, Sunday) evening’s events with the whole driving range from above incident. Cousin Fred and the Hairdressing Hydrologist Gigi have disappeared from sight. They’re holed up inside Das Boot and apparently getting to know one another again. Friend Lamont aimlessly wanders around the medical marijuana grow facility caring for the plants. The Wife took off out of The Compound last night to supposedly go to Walmart for “health and comfort” items, but we haven’t seen her since. She’s likely holed up in that creepy motel out on the north edge of Seiling where they still allow chain-smoking. She’s probably puffing away while binge watching “NYPD Blue” reruns on her iPad. Me? I’m sitting and staring at the paper that was inside the envelope containing the handshakes to access and post on Fearless Leader’s Twitter account. As I sit and stare, I’m trying to figure out the right thing to do. On the one hand, it’s an awesome responsibility. Eh, who I am I kidding. I’m likely to begin tearing through that account like a 16-year-old boy with a bottle of whiskey and keys to a Mustang GT. Let’s see…I could post that the whole trip to Vietnam is a feint and order an attack on NoKo. At least we’d learn who, among Kim Jong Uno’s family he hasn’t killed, is actually in charge over there. That would make the hawks happy…all good Republicans love a shooting war. I could make a huge confession that the jig is up. That Mueller found the tape and that I’m resigning, effective immediately. That would make a lot of people happy, I guess (particularly Tom Arnold). Oh, oh…I could announce that I’ve changed my mind about the Great Wall of America because I realized how much damage it would do to the delicate eco-system of the border area. I would announce that I plan to use the $8 billion I’ve shanghaied to build said wall for plussing-up social security. That might, at once, anger a lot of people and please a lot of people. I could announce that I’ve rethought my “fake news” stance with the media. I would welcome their every banal inquiry which I promise to answer in less than 24 hours. I’ll have Jim Acosta come to the WH and give him 5 hours live in front of a camera and answer every question he asks. See what I mean? Hell, by the time Fearless Leader returns from Vietnam there would be people on one side of the White House with pitchforks and torches trying to burn the thing down and on the other side, a bunch of people with garden hoses and fire extinguishers trying to keep it from burning down. Wild, right? I think I’ll just sit on it for now. This is going to be too much job. Friends, the slightly more mature among you probably remember the show, “Cheers” the premise of which was centered around a Boston bar and the regulars who haunted the place. There was a character in the show named Norm. Everybody loved Norm who would come into the bar and make a quick one-liner about his day or the state of his life or the state of the world. In one episode, he entered the bar, and someone asked how his day was going, to which Norm replied, “It’s a dog eat dog world and I’m wearing Milkbone underwear.” That particular scene in television history comes to mind because of a story we saw sneak across our CCB newsfeed last week. It seems there was guy down in Texas (we’ll call him Gary Glitterless) who lost a bet in a fantasy football league of which he was a member. As a result, he was given the choice of paying $250 to the winner or submitting to a humiliating stunt. Glitterless chose the stunt. Sigh. So, he shows up at a dog park dressed in nothing but a gold lamé Speedo. No big deal you say? Happens every day, you say? Yeah, well, this guy covered himself in peanut butter and then entered the penned area where dogs were playing. If you know dogs and peanut butter, it’s no surprise that he was immediately set upon by animals licking peanut butter off his skin. Keeping in mind that this was in Texas, he’s probably lucky a disturbed dog owner didn’t start shooting at Gary Glitterless. Bet it’s a long time before he makes any more bets. Don’t believe me? Want to see for yourself? Here’s the YouTube link. https://www.youtube.com/ZRgVQ9piJeM That is all! Comments are closed.
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